Cigarette Daydreams - Regulus Black X Reader

Chapter 21 - Decisions.

Christmas was drawing nearer and nearer, I had been spending a lot of time in the room of requirement with Reg and the rest of the time with my friends. Sirius's silence was hurting me less and less by the day, I was sort of used to it and I knew he wouldn't hold a grudge forever.

While Sirius's was off, probably with one of the many girls that wanted a hook up (the Christmas cards he got from them were hilarious.) I took it as an opportunity to see the boys. "Hey." I smiled and sat next to James, they were all in the common room. All three. Strange saying that.

"Y/n!" James smiled, he was playing wizard chess with Remus and seemed to be losing sorely. "I've already beat Pete but Remus is thrashing me."

"Chess just isn't my area of expertise alright?" Peter crossed his arms, he didn't like to lose.

"I'll play the winner." I smiled "When were you guys going to tell me you were secretly animagi?"

"I don't know, I wanted to tell you straight away but Sirius said not to. I think he had it planned." James said honestly, fucking Sirius. "He didn't mean any harm, thought it would be a funny prank. He misses you you know."

"Then he can bloody well tell me himself. I'm not getting you guys involved and I'm not making a drama out of it." I shrugged, I missed Sirius so badly but it wasn't my job to chase him.

"Queen to B6... Ha I win!" Remus grinned triumphantly.

James was always a fair player, he won and lost gracefully, his second house was certainly Hufflepuff. "Well done moony, go on Y/n avenge me!" He said dramatically and pretended to faint back onto the sofa, crushing me on his way down.

"Missed you." Remus told me as he set up the pieces. I smiled a little, I hadn't seen the boys as much lately which was a shame but that's what happens when two people in a friend group argue.

"Missed you lot too. It has to be different by Christmas surely? How long can this be carried out? Knight to C3." I could talk and play chess, but against Remus I had to concentrate more because that boy was clever.

"Yeah of course, it's clear he's getting bored of being moody." James nodded.

"If you did my brother I'd be moody too." Peter shrugged

"Cheers Pete." I said sarcastically.

Remus looked at the board then made his decision "queen to C3." He grinned.

"Bastard! The game has barely started!' I exclaimed and he laughed.

"Keep your focus Y/n no daydreaming about Reggie." James teased and I pushed him playfully.

"You may have lost because you were daydreaming about Lily, but not everyone is so away with the fairies." I retorted with a smirk.

"Ooh touchê." James laughed and I made my move. I had missed seeing the marauders but without Sirius there it just felt strange.

.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.

It was a late night in the common room and I was completely alone reading a book for Care of Magical Creatures in the amber glow of the fireplace. It was quite nice like this, I liked either really late nights or really early mornings because just for a couple of hours it felt like I was the only person in the world. Any more would be lonely but it was just enough to be peaceful.

And while I'm having my peaceful moment, who comes in the door? Sirius of course. The portrait hole swung open and Sirius walked through, his robes all messy but of course his hair wasn't. I didn't say anything, it was his turn to speak. "Oh- y/n. Thought you'd be asleep." He said awkwardly.

"Yeah well I'm not." I shrugged, that was the most we had said to each other in weeks.

"Right." He cleared his throat "Well... I'll just be-"

"Sirius why do we have to be like this? It's dreadful." I sighed, I just wanted my friend back.

Sirius was silent for a second "Do you love him?" He asked quietly.

"Yes I do. But Sirius I love you too, you're as much a brother to me as James is and I'm sorry if I could cut off Reg without absolutely breaking my heart I would but I can't. And it's because I value our friendship so much that I'm not lying to you about this. Sirius I don't want to lose you over this at all, but you're asking me to choose and I can't. I won't." I said honestly really hoping he would understand "I've apologized, and apologized again and not a day goes by where I don't feel guilty about it but I'm sorry I really do love him."

"Then you know why I can't bring myself to talk to you. Five years of friendship and you date my brother, after everything." He didn't look as angry anymore just genuinely upset.

"There's still hope for him, he's changing. Look I know I'm shit and terrible and all that but please Sirius I don't know what I can do. You're being so stubborn." I was holding back tears now, one of my best friends telling me what a shit person I was.

"Oh well not everyone can be a perfect little Potter now can they?" He snapped. "You've made your choice clearly." Sirius said and turned to walk upstairs.

"That's not fair. It's not like I get to choose any of this shit." But he was already gone. I walked upstairs and just got in to bed, pulling the covers over my head wishing all my problems would just go away just for a minute.