Harmony in Chaos

t h i r t y f o u r |

Sometimes, the strongest among us are the ones who smile through silent pain, cry behind closed doors, and fight battles nobody even knows about. - Unknown author.

......

They said, 'being grey wouldn't help the likes of you. Being blue wouldn't either.' 

I don't understand why it's only 'grey' and 'blue' that has to make us feel this way, and how they are even related to sadness, or whatever you call it. I don't even know. And I don't understand, if 'grey' or 'blue' doesn't help, help the likes of us, then why don't you?

They said we needed support, like it's something special. Like we need it only when we prove that we're completely shattered.

They said we needed to trust, and really, 'it's not that hard'. Yes, and why are we here in the first place? To listen to you tell us how we're supposed to trust when all we feel is plain regret? You tell us that we have to trust, and why, because 'if we never trust, and are continuously afraid of what people might do to us, then we're never going to be able to trust anybody'. You think we didn't know that? That's the first thing that came to our minds when we decided not to trust. We're scared. We're hurt. A huge, massive, part of us is snatched. It was not in our control to trust. We just did. And now they've shown us why we shouldn't have.

They said we needed to be strong, and everything was going to be alright. That we needed to stop crying all the time and that they were only trying to help us.

Do you know why a person cries? Not because they're weak, but because they've been strong for too long. If you were only trying to help us, why didn't you when we asked for it? Why didn't you when there was nobody else? Why didn't you when we cried because our hearts couldn't explain by words through our mouth, the pain we felt? You might think you've heard this too many times. You've heard 'We felt pain', too many times. And that you're fed up of listening to that 'drama'. But did we think when you said it, it was drama? Did we laugh at your worries when you felt pain? Did we find the fact of you crying because of trauma funny? Well, what we were going through was trauma too, we just didn't say it. 

Pity you don't understand the difference. Or rather, similarity.

We don't need help after being broken. We needed it while we were breaking. We don't need help after starting to have trust issues. We needed it to prevent us from having trust issues.

We're not putting on a fake smile. We're not going to have any sort of facade. We don't mind, really. We ignore the fact that we've been hurt, (after all, our pain was not the greatest pain in the world, was it?) because we don't want to make ourselves more sad. We are going to be happy, and not keep everything inside of us, and not wallow in self-pity. We will not stand tall with our chin up, just to show that we're strong, we will just stand normal and look normal, but give a smile so simple, so angelic, worth changing a fellow's mood. We will help ourselves up. We will wrap a cast around our hearts and bandage our wounds and scars, we will pick up all our broken pieces, and not stick them together with 'hope' a crazy enough glue to fix them all, but we will paint a picture, a collage of beautiful, beautiful glass pieces, that radiate strength and bravery, that emanate understanding and feeling to those who feel the same. We will paint a picture. A strong, sturdy, marvelous one.

Are you proud of us? Do you think we are strong now? 

No, it's just that...we know, that there is someone out there who is more happy than us with less than what we have, there is someone out there in this world too wide, who is suffering ten times more than we could ever imagine, and we don't want to let this chance, this one shot at life, go spiralling down into a whirlpool of regret and remorse. 

The only sad thing here is, we had to help ourselves, with the help of only, ourselves. 

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