Harmony in Chaos

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You asked if you could kiss me. And I said okay.

You asked if you could hug me, and I said okay.

You asked if you could walk over me, and I said okay.

You asked if you could snatch a part of my soul. And I said okay.

You said that I was the sweetest person you'd ever met, and I, at first, believed you. I was so besotted, so infatuated, with you, or dare I say, the idea of somebody thinking of me so sweetly.

And I didn't want to . I really didn't want to do this.

I didn't want to lie.

But I did. And I may or may not regret that.

I did let go.

And I might have regretted that.

I did see through you. I did live for you. I did stay for you. I did compromise for you. I did give up for you. I did change for you. I did hurt myself for you.

And did I mention the fact that I would never be able to count the things I did for you?

And yet.

Yet. You make me apologise to myself.

Yet you make me doubt myself.

Yet you hurt me in more ways than I could imagine,

Because I thought all the damage possible, had been made before.

I try to get in.

I tried to control myself. I did stop crying after a while.

But then you came.

And if there's one thing I don't know how to do, it's not try. But somehow, you achieved making me do that. I marvel at you.

I don't know how much I've tried. I don't know how much I have to try to make you happy.

I don't know what more I'm supposed to do.

I have given up trying to understand your intentions.

I don't know whether to think you're in love with me, I don't know whether to think you're obsessed with me, I don't know whether you even actually love me or not, because I just made your miserable life a little less miserable, does that mean you would fall for me?

I don't know. But the problem with me is, I will still try. Be it in another way. But I will still try.

And I realized, that whatever happens, and whatever I do for you and how much ever I try to understand you, you will always blame me.

Even after I sold my soul.

Even after I let go.

Even after I broke other people's trust and went against myself for you.

You still make me want to scream.

Scream, because I knew I dragged myself into a mess.

Scream, because despite knowing that, I decided to go on.

I decided to risk everything for you.

I knew what would happen. But I still went on.

And I chose that. So I'm not complaining. And I'm not going to cry over that, because I chose it.

After everything. After all that I've done. I only ask of you. One thing.

One thing.

Just don't blame me.

I can't bear it. Because all that I've done, was for you.

Only for you.

I only ask of you, not to blame me.

Please, I can't bear it. I can't bear it.

Because everything I'm doing even right now, is still for you.

I haven't done anything wrong. And I know I don't deserve to be treated like this.

I'm sorry, please I just need some time. I just need some space.

After what they did to me, after being forcibly touched, I still allowed you to kiss me.

And much more.

After that, just for once.

Can you please let go of me?

Can you please let me breathe?

Can you please leave me alone?

Please?

Because I really don't want to force myself anymore.

I really don't want to push anything anymore.

I'm sick. And I'm tired.

And I'm drained. And I'm exhausted.

Please. Leave me be.

For me.

For once.

Not for yourself.

For once.