Harmony in Chaos

s i x t y s e v e n |

See love is weird.

Loving him is easy. Missing him is easy. Dealing with him is mostly easy. It's hard. It's hard when he's not there. It's hard when he was always there and you were always with him or at least mostly but now everybody has become so distant and so apart nobody even knows anybody anymore and we're not even trying to make the effort. It's hard because among all the mess there came that one person who looked and smiled and felt like..wonder. Like joy and like rain in a desert. That one person who you would look at and be like, “Yeah. Now I can do anything. He's in my sight he's in my vicinity and my name henceforth is strength.” that one person you didn't know you could depend on until you actually started depending upon them. That one person that tried so hard, Just ever so hard and you couldn't know that it would ever be for you but it is and it still is and you're just happy. And you don't know how to explain it because he's obviously.. Magic. Everytime you look at him you know that you're smiling brighter you know that it's a little wider every time you're with him and even if you both are sad, even if it's because of each other, you're secretly happy that you two get to be sad side by side. Because you're with each other and nothing matters and you don't ever wanna leave each other because that's just how it works. And because you see him and you don't need anything else you hug him and you don't need anybody else because that's just how you feel and the way it is and it's wonderful not because nobody else feels that way for you and only he does, no. Because there's nothing bad that comes out of this. Ever. And that's for sure.

You're safe and you're comforted and all that runs through your mind is ‘He's there he's there he's there he's there and he's here he's here he's here he's here’ and finally when you go back to that painful routine to crying yourself to sleep every night you have his shirt and his scent to remind you that you're crying because you miss him. You're crying and that pain that zips its way to your hands and chest is because he's missing. And then you cry even more because you're happy that he's only physically missing and you're so sure about the fact that he's never going to leave you. And then you forget about what you were crying about in the first place. Because normally I wouldn't believe in ‘made-for-each-other’ but he makes the impossible happen, hence, we're made for each other.

And it hurts so much and you don't know why but at the same time you're so happy that he's giving you this experience, you get someone and not just anyone, for you it's him and only and just him and it's so, fucking, great.

Because you don't think feel the need for anything and anybody else and he just compensates for everything that isn't there, and he's more. He just is always there for you. Because he loves you and he means it unlike those people that said and used the same words only to make us lose our faith in words, again.

But then when he comes along you know it's sugar and cream and sweetness and danger and fear and pitfalls and love. And then there's that involuntary smile on your face again.

Why? Because you see something strange, something, majestic. It's all happening right in front of you, to you, with you. And you can't imagine being happier.

You see something. It's so weird.

It's.. Magic.

He's magic.

He's magic.
And it's only working on me, and I've never been happier.