Harmony in Chaos

f i f t y e i g h t | (the fourth and final - Help)

I don't want this ache, I don't want this pain,
Unending is my strife,
I have borne enough, undergone enough,
But also unending, seems to be my plight.

How lonely am I, how hurtful are you,
There seems to be nobody in sight,
How ugly am I, how vengeful are you,
Even loved ones seem oblivious to my cries.

No I am not fine, no, but I'm okay,
This is the difficult part, cause I can't explain.
I want to be able to speak, and explain,
But I am unable to, only drowning again.

I am in a room, pitch black and unfriendly,
I am in a room, of so many other screaming voices,
I am in a test, a deathly little whisper,
And unknown is the rest, because I am engulfed by noises.

Clamping my mouth shut,
Ripping my clothes apart,
Blood spurting, sweat stinging, cries increasing,
Invisible pain is fooling my heart.

They did it to me, finally did it to me,
I took a loud gasp of sweaty air finally,
So ugly did I feel, so dirty did I feel,
When they were the one's doing it to me.

I am surrounded by love, I am helped unconditioned,
But none of their smiles reach their eyes,
And none of their supposedly comforting words, comfort,
I am fatigued, this Is my unnoticeable dying.

Help is on its way, people say,
But aren't people only the ones that can help me?
I have somebody, they are so much to me,
But are they everybody else's, or just mine indeed?

Even my vents are to please others,
And some people are dissatisfied, when I don't vent to them,
Some others are completely fine, with me not venting,
But has anyone actually tried, to delve into the depths of my suffering?

This is lonesome, this is painful, this is torturous,
And this time, I am not feeling ashamed to admit it,
I can't afford to encumber myself with not speaking,
So I'm calling out to everybody but n o b o d y is l o o k i n g.

I don't know what to do, and maybe you don't either,
It sucks that my remedy is either unapproachable or unnoticing me,
But a little help will be wholly and entirely appreciated,
This time, I hope this combination of numbers will help me.