Harmony in Chaos

Help.

Hurt slaps across my face,
Tears of pain frozen on my cheeks,
Loved ones supporting throughout,
By encouraging me, saying "It's okay, you're weak."

I don't feel safe, I don't feel well,
I've been trying to all my life,
But when nobody approves of all you've worked for,
You forget what you stood for and give up the strife.

It's not that you're weak, and neither are you dead,
It's not that you're just surviving.
But people make you believe that you are all that you have fought against Per Se,
Then they sit by your side when you're crying.

I don't need you to think, think so much to get me,
I don't need you to feel as though you can always understand me,
I don't need you to feel also, that you will never be able to do so,
All I need is some comfort, some company to show me that I'm not alone.

I don't need you to isolate me,
Then say that you're doing it on purpose,
I don't need you to make me understand
That what you're doing has a purpose.

You never understood, that it didn't have to be this way,
You never understood, that it was never this complicated,
It's a shame if you think everything you see,
Is all there is, to be?
Isn't it?

I laugh, I cry sometimes, I wish and I die sometimes,
You don't need to make me believe unknown things,
You claim you know me better than I know myself,
Then you cause me pain and you ask me obvious things.

Tell me, how can I believe you are one of the few differents?
How can I have faith in you, when you just keep giving me reasons not to?
How do you expect to get shit out of me,
When you are yourself causing it, then making me regret?

I am frustrated, because I'm looking in the dark,
You refuse to tell me anything and I'm looking for comfort's arms,
You expect me to spill everything and you will be there for me throughout,
But don't you understand that this is getting both of us nowhere and is just supposed to cause me more harm.

It doesn't, because I expect it.
I expect all this from you, now,
The sad part is, I thought you were one,
Who I didn't have to think of like this, but I don't know now.

You do all this on purpose, you get me sad and apologise, you then ask me if something is wrong, and I say no and you say fine.
How do you expect to go on like this, how do you expect this relationship to last? I know there are big chances of that happening, but will they stay chances only, or will it actually last?

This is not about our relationship,
This isn't about anything else either,
How do you expect me to open my heart to you,
When you already have snatched half of it, and are making me tear the rest open?

'Help' are my bones screaming.
'Come, someone' do my arms.
'I don't understand, please explain to me'
Do my brain and wounds and heart.

I'm calling emergency.
I'm calling every hospital,
I'm reaching out to every human being, any human being,
So they can help me from breaking the one rule in my life, that's c a r d i n a l.