Harmony in Chaos

f o r t y o n e |

I don't know just what happened,

We both clashed into each others' lives,

You were the only one I would open up to,

And you were my only shadow and light.

Days passed, and we remained inseparable,

I didn't even think of us drifting apart,

We were so entangled in each other,

Much like the veins and the nerves with the heart.

We would glance at each other once, 

And each would know what the other meant to say,

And people would stand gaping at us,

Wondering how we could connect in such a way.

Yes, I know, in between we got separated,

But that was only for a while,

I still was wanting to be your friend,

But it seemed like only for others, your light would shine.

I suddenly didn't know you anymore,

And we talked of things only trivial and insignificant,

Until I realised I couldn't predict your next move anymore,

I knew I was no more your detoxicant.

I heard from other people that you were doing just fine,

And really, I wasn't much troubled either,

But recently I have realised I just know only a part of you,

And since then I had become my own, sole fighter.

You ask me to open up to you,

You say that you cannot see me so hurt,

You say that you are always there for me,

You say that you are also a little hurt.

But how can I behave the same way with you?

How can I come back to a different person?

Because I have the memory of one side of you,

And maybe the other side has now drawn back it's curtain?

I really am sorry, if I have been distant with you for a while,

There just has been a lot going on,

I know you are the same person I met in fourth grade,

But somehow, I just can't be free with you anymore.

I'm afraid, I'm afraid of a lot of things.

I'm afraid of losing dear people too.

I know that should not be the foundation for my trust,

But that is what compels me to be hesitant in front of you.

Yes, but I am trying to be the same with you again,

Or maybe it's just my mind,

I really want to be as close with you as I was before,

And I am slowly seeing the signs.

I just want you to know that I love you with all my heart,

And I wish for you to stay the same,

I also wish that my bad days pass,

So that one day, we can go back to being the friends we were,

And the closeness will return like in the old days.

***

I'm genuinely sorry.