Scar

Cold but warm

He wakes me up with a quick push and then yanks his hand back. Always so careful not to touch me too long. 

"They're eating. Get some food" he orders me and looks out through the window. It's always like this. Hateful and then decent. The place where he touched me over the shirt is warm. I cringe at the thought of going downstairs but I slowly unfold from my curled sleeping position. 

"Are we staying the night?" I dare to ask but look at the floor hoping he can't see how much I want him to say no. 

"They need us tomorrow" he states coldly. I don't answer him. He never cares about what I think so why bother telling him? Before I even stand up he throws his jacket on the bed along with his phone. 

"Are you going somewhere?" I wonder quietly with a hushed voice, as if it would make the question any less irritating. He sighs frustratedly. Obviously it's annoying to have to tell me everything. I know he wishes I wasn't here right now. 

"Hunting" he bites at me and wrings his T-shirt off. I turn away as if my eyes burn at the sight but the truth is I'm scared of his naked body. As I hurry down the stairs towards the kitchen I think about it. I've been spared for a long time now. Sure, nothing about our bond has been normal but I've been of age for a long time now.

Why haven't I gotten my heat yet? 

- Six months ago - 

It's in the middle of summer and Scar is taking me to see a shaaman. He says we're doing this to get an explanation as to why we were mated, but I know it's really to see if there is anyway to undo the bond. Though it's impossible to break a bond, as everyone knows. 

I try to be hopeful. Maybe I will become normal. Maybe I will belong to me again and not this cruel monster of a wolf. Scar seems hopeful too. He's even got something that resembles a smile on his lips as we roll down the road with tall trees passing us in high speed. The radio plays some old tune and I drift off to sleep. 

When I wake up there is a fever heating me from within. I'm sweating like a hog and almost feel faint. The car is standing still by the side of the road and Scar is nowhere in sight. I claw out of my hoodie and fan my T-shirt to cool myself. 

I'm so warm! At this point I realize that something is wrong but I can't place the feeling. What is happening? At last the feeling fades and the flash of warmth fades until I'm only a bit sweaty. Out of nowhere he tares the door open and stares at me like I'm on fire. I gasp at his sudden appearance. 

"What the HELL is going on?!" he growls with an anger that I've never wittnessed before. 

"N-nothing, I was just a little w-warm" I studder quietly. It's amazing that he can hear me acctually, but he's staring at me so intensely that I doubt he would miss a whisper. 

"What kind of warm?" he demands to know with a deep growl. I shake my head. 

"I don't know. Warm?" I studder, almost crying under his intense stare. He looks like he's about to hurt me. My body curls into a small ball trying to excape his ruthless gaze. Not caring that I'm scared he grabs my face and makes me look at his evil expression. 

"If you get your heat you have to tell me" he hisses like a preadator threatening a prey. "UNDERSTAND?!" 

In his eyes and all over his face cruel shadows rumble as if ready to devour me. I try to nod in his grip but he doesn't release me until I make a small whining sound that could resemble a yes. I can never get my heat. I have no ide what he will do to me but it won't be something good. 

When we get to the shaaman he turns out to be an old woman. She asks us about how we were bonded. Scar answer all her questions, partly because I was so young I don't remember it very well but mostly because I'm not very good at talking. 

"So why are you here?" she asks. 

"To get an explaination" he demands angrily. She gives us a cool look as if she finally understands why we are here. 

"Little one, take a walk while I talk to your mate" she says and I slip outside and wander about the trees for a bit before I head back. 

"But there has to be a way to undo it!" I hear him roar. Her answer is too low for me to pick up but juding by the way he storms out I'm guessing she told him there wasn't. Something inside me shudders painfully and I tell myself it's because I had hoped there would be a way to undo our bond... but the truth is I never believed there was. 

As I sink into the car seat I try to tell myself that I never wanted him either, that it doesn't hurt that he wants to be rid of me, and that I never hoped for his affection. 

- The present - 

Since nothing happened after that I just kind of hoped that because we did not like each other I would never get my heat. Maybe there has to be love for the heat to come? 

For a second I acctually feel lucky. For once I'm spared. I sneak past the remaining guests chatting and eating. In the kitchen there are several warm winter dishes but I just hurry to scoop some of the dark soup into a bowl and a big raisin bun and then sneak up again. 

I watch a few episodes of my favourite series while I eat but after a while I get restless. The house has gone quiet as the day has come to an end and I make my way to the balcony. The lights are off and I stand in the doorway looking out into the night as I usally do when I'm restless. 

The dark doesn't give away a single shape of anything living but I know that several wolves are out there gurading us. This is alpha territory. The night feels full and lively as I gaze into the shadows. I can almost feel the pack rushing between the trees chasing curious trails and new smells. 

It's cold but I'm relived by the cold. I like it. Today more than usually. It calms me to the bones. Finally I feel ready to go to bed. I put on a thin T-shirt and take my pants off before crawling into bed. The covers hug me as I drift off to a nervous sleep.