Scar

Wicked flowers

"How should we do without a dress? Could you wear a dress, sweetie?" Sarah's sister asks me. I shake my head vigorously and tremble at the thought. 

"Calm down, Dana" she says with a hearty laugh. 

"Maybe with some flowers in his hair?" Dana ponders and points to the three little girls running around with pink ribbons trailing after them. "Go fetch some flowers from grandmas summer garden."

I watch them leave with joy and wish I could go with them. The room we're in is full of fabric and ribbons and pictures and magaizines. An hour ago I was talking to the alpha and the old luna, now I'm in a room with the former alpha's widow and her side kick instead. Take me away from this hell. 

The summer garden is heavenly so I envy the little girls. It's the big green house on the backside that has got blooming flowers all year around and during the night beacuse of some magic that makes the flowers grow in the moon light.

"What colors are we thinking?" they both ask but not directed at me. The two shewolves look me up and down before turning to the catalouges at the table and flipping side after side. 

"How about a red theme?" Sarah suggests. 

"Oh, no. Can't do red; not with the survivors comming" Dana reminds her. She takes another good look at me before deciding. 

"Green" she decides and Sarah smiles happily. 

"Lovely, like a sage green and then white and some soft purple flowers" Sarah chimes in and turns to another page in the magazine. 

"Perfect." 

I stand there like a painting while they scan me to see if the color will fit. The little girls burst through the door, their hair wet with molten snow and bright flowers in thier hands. Dana arranges some soft purple geraniums in my pale brown curls. 

"He certainly looks cute. A sweet little mate for the dark one" Sarah muses but she doesn't sound satisfyed. "How about a smile" she orders me. I muster up all my strength to smile for the mother of the alpha. It strains my lips and one of the little flowers dangle from my hair, tickling my face. But I cannot speak in her overwhelming presence. 

"Adorable. It's perfect" she finally says when Dana has fixed the flowers in a more satisfactory way and then she finally leaves. Dana goes back to fixing something on the table while the girls pick with the rest of the flowers. 

"Are you the girl in the bedroom? My daddy says there has to be a girl in the bedroom" one of the little girls asks. My insides turn into volcanic lava but slowly freeze as I realize the whole width of what she's saying. 

"Out with the lot of ya!'" Dana growls and chases them to the door. "Sorry, sweetie. They're just repeating what they don't understand. And that one's father is one hell of a tiredsome idiot so you should pay him no mind" she tells me. 

I nod but feel the defeat creeping in on me. It's as if the moon has turned everything against me. My alpha has decided on this celebration, and his mother is scary as hell; I could not even speak in front of her. And Dana who's going to fix this whole celebration is about as sensetive as Scar. 

Scar... My mate. The one who was supposed to be there for me and love me through everything. What a cruel joke. A dark one fated to have a mate. The first one for as long as anyone can remember. Lucky me.  

I feel like giving in to the tears. A celebration of a loveless bond. It's ironic and I wonder if they all know. Do they know that he is unable to love? Is this all a big lie that we keep sustaning? 

"There, there" Dana calms me probably thinking I'm still upset about the little girl's question. She guides me down onto a chair and relieves me of the wicked flowers. "I know it can feel overwhelming and scary with the celebration; what's troubling you?" she wants to know and sits down next to me. 

I ponder for a moment how much I can confess. My heart aches to spill it all out, but I know that some secrets cannot be shared. Even to a pack member. 

"It's Scar... and this whole thing. I just... We don't really match. He's so... so full of darkness" I bemone with a low voice. 

"That stuff will sort out itself. As long as you're kind to each other everything will turn out OK" she assures me, but that's just it. He isn't.  

I feel the tears burn and I'm so ashamed to be doing this in front of another wolf. 

"You know I was in my thirties when I met my mate. I thought that I would never. But the moon had plans. Even when the night seems really dark there is always moonlight." She fixes a stand of hair behind my ear and smiles sadly. "I was also very scared of falling in love. My mate was a strange one and a brute too. I thought he would break my heart by being everything I feared, but what I didn't realize was that I was treating him just like everyone else. He just wanted to be loved as well" she tells me. 

"Mm" I agree but she doesn't know what Scar is like. And it's not as if I haven't tried...  

"I'm sure your Scar isn't all of the scary things he seems to be" she comforts me. 

"Maybe not" I lie and look away. 

"Now, I'm going to get you a hot cup of cocoa and then we are going to go though a plan of the ceremony; all right?" 

I nod and she disappears. A heavy breath leaves me and I finally relax a bit. It still feels like too much but when I think about it; maybe I am lying to myself. I do call him Scar like everyone else, even though he has a real name.