Scar

The Moon is cruel

Scar's POV

Groggily I can see Elmer, right in front of my face. He is almost naked even though it's freezing out here. 

"Change" I beg him though the link and he turns after a second. 

My chest is on fire and every breath hurts. I feel heavy and my arms sting and something inside of me is not as it should. 

The girl from the other pack is here, sitting next to Simon. He looks older, as if is he could no longer smile the way he used to, yet he looks so young, almost like a child. The black eye that bluges out from his face seems out of place and there is blood all over his arms, and all over the unfitting dress shirt the girl is wearing. Even Elmer is smothered in it. 

I feel lightheaded and the smell of carnage doesn't make it better. A foul scent of burnt flesh oozes from my own hands. The stining itch on my wrists are explained by the grey scarifications that looks like little iron marks. 

Something terrible makes its way up my throat and I gag before I get it out. A dirty mix of puke and blood with dark streaks in it sink into the snow, like smoldering lava. I heave to get air, all while having his eyes on me. 

"I'm sorry, Elmer" I choke out, unsure of how to explain the extent of my regret. Am I alive? Is the underworld covered in snow? Where is Matthew? 

"Let's not do this right now" Elmer shushes me looking worried. I look at his disheveled fur and the striking eyes that seem so serious. Is Elmer dead too? Did I do something even worse before I died? I try to remember but I am drawing a blank. 

"I think I have to go get help. He won't survive like this" Simon says to Elmer. I try to focus on my nefew but my eyes won't stick to anyone but Elmer. 

"I'll go. I'd rather not stay here with him. Just in case" the girl states, eyes glowering at me like a little cat watchin a dog. 

"You should both go. I'll stay. Make sure to get a car here soon" Elmer forces them to promise. 

"Of course. We'll be quick" Simon replies and changes. They both dart off but I can tell bu the way they are running that they are hurt. That means I must have hurt them. 

"It's your blood" Elmer tells me. The crusted red goo around my wrists is indeed mine. I let out a breath. 

"Is anyone hurt? Did I..." 

"No, just you. Simon is bit banged up but we will all be fine" he calms me as if I haven't done anything wrong. 

"I am so sorry" I tell him, my voice breaks and stinging tears forces their way out. "I should have told you instead of trying to keep you away. I am so sorry" I tell him. 

"Why didn't you? Do you have any idea how much pain you have out me through. I was rejected, not offically, but I thought you hated me!" he accuses me. I look into his wolven eyes and see all the hurt. 

"I know. I made you believe that on purpose so that you would get away from me any chance you could. When I bit you we were both still young. You didn't understand to be afraid like everyone else. I was so scared that I would lose control of the darkness and that it would break free and kill you" I explain but even though I know why I did it, it doesn't feel right. 

"Then how come you didn't run away years ago? If my being safe was important to you then you should have stayed away!" he hisses through the link. 

"My mother was just as unsure of why I was granted a bond, we all were. No one really believed it was true. We all thought this was a mistake. Everyone except Sarah. Matthews mate thought that there must have been a reason for our bond. She was the one who wanted me to stay" I tell him. 

"Why did she think there was a reason?"

"She had this idea that the Moon had bonded us, like in the ledgend of the first dark one" I say but wave it off. "It was just her looking for a purpose in Matthew's death" I write it off. 

"Tell me anyway. I haven't heard the whole thing" Elmer oders me. 

"Well the first dark wolf was born from the Moon and the night. Evil sun warriors were huning the wolves, forcing us to brink of extincion so Moon lay with the night and a fearsome warrior was born. The dark child protected the children of the Moon from the sun warriors and all was well until there were no more enemies to kill. The dark wolf couldn't stop and was about to be consumed by the power of the night when he found his mate. They bonded by the blessing of the Moon like all Her children do and the bond gave the dark one the strength to seal the dark away or his mate could somehow control it or the Moon sealed it when they bonded. It's just a story" I conclude. 

"But nothing changed when you met me" Elmer points out. 

"Exactly. It's a ledgend. Who knows if it's even true. That was thousands of years ago if it even happened. And that's why I tried to tell them it was better I left. But Sarah had convinced Simon and my mother that there was a reason for all of this. That the sun warrirors or some other threat was waiting for us so I stayed even though I shouldn't have" I confess. 

"It would be really nice if there was some great purpose to all of this" Elmer agrees and rubs his paw over his nose. 

"Why am I still alive, Elmer? I thought you wanted me gone. Why save me?" I ask. I simply have to. There is not enough shame in the world to keep me from asking. 

"I wanted you gone. Maybe suffering. But not dead. Not after I found out why you did what you did to me" he states. His voice echoes a little through the mind link. It sounds almost ethreal. 

"I deserve to die. It will be so much better if I'm gone. No one has to be afraid; not you, not the survivors. I don't have to be afraid of hurting anyone. Honestly, it would be a relief" I promise him. "Give me the knife and go. I want it" I beg him. 

"The knife melted" he says. 

"Melted?" 

"It sunk into your chest..." he explains and pokes a fuzzy paw at the little hole over my heart. His light graze hurts like a punch but I just look at the black edges of the hole. It's not bleeding but it's not healed. So that is why my chest hurts. 

"How did... what happened?" 

"Simon came to save you. A witch had told me that I could try to seal the dark away with a spell. That's what the things on your arms are for. I didn't know that the knife would melt" he points out. 

I just nod. How the hell had he managed to this? I must have given in to the dark because I don't remember any of this. 

"So is it sealed away? For good?" The tears poor over again as I look at him as if begging him to save my life. I have no right. I am so ashamed yet I cannot help but hope. 

"I honestly don't know. Maybe" Elmer answers softly. 

I close my eyes for a moment and try to focus on something else then the pain. I search for the usual feeling of something wild tumbling around inside me. There is something dangerous swiveling around my heart but it is caged in by something else, something that seems to hold it back for me. 

I let out a choked breath and look at Elmer thorugh the tears. "You did this?" I cry. 

He nods and looks down. I bow my head to him.

"Thank you. You have saved me from the worst evil" I thank him. "Don't worry, I will never pester you again. As soon as I can walk I will leave and never come back" I promise him. It is the least I can do after everything. 

Elmer looks away with an unreadable expression. I cannot imagin how he must feel right now. He saved me even though he hates me and now that the dark is under control it is too late for us to have a relationship. I made his life horrible and he saved me anyway. The Moon sure is cruel.