Fluorescents

79

" The world is a vampire
                              set to draaaaaiiiinnnn"

My body floats above the floor, swaying to the melodic sounds of his voice as he covers The Smashing Pumpkins. He continues singing and my body continues floating yet as time goes on I notice that the sounds of his voice and guitar have disappeared, silence filling the air as I continue to sway and float above in Euphoria. The once bright and lively room quickly turns dark and hollow, the silence piercing through my ears and into my skull. Soon enough I raise my head and watch as the spot that I swore held my uncles body is now empty and replaced with a giant brown door. The sound of an echoed knock is heard throughout the room and I stay still in my spot, never moving or speaking. I desperately try to cry and scream but no noise other than that of the banging door is heard.

" Jocelyn-" Her voice instantly wakes me and I jump up in my spot on the couch. The banging continues and I toss the blanket laying on top of me to the side and lift myself up, wiping the small amount of saliva on the edge of my mouth off with the back of my hand. My weak limbs move towards the door of the bus and I push it open, Amy's obnoxious face on the other side. " Finally." she huffs, pushing me to the side to get through. " Why the fuck did you lock the door?" I shrug my shoulders not remembering ever locking the door behind me when I rushed in here who knows how long ago. " What?" she asks, walking back into the room with one of her many makeup bags and catching me spacing out.

" Nothing." I mumble, shrugging my shoulders and moving past her and towards my bunk. I find my backpack sitting on my bed, my pills now put away and my phone laying face down next to it. I don't bother paying much attention to it and grab my phone, stuffing it into my back pocket and heading out into the common room of the bus, Amy's presence now far gone.

My feet lead me off the bus and towards the venue, my watch reading 5:48 as I grasp the handle of the back door and let myself in. The security guard in the back looks towards the door worriedly but brushes it off once he sees it's just me.

" Hey." He waves with a smile and I simply wave and smile back, not having the energy to make small talk with strangers yet.

" Whatchu guys been up to?" I come up from behind Clair, looking at the table laid out with her set up of equipment and lenses. She jumps in her spot but soon enough looks back at me with a bright smile to see me once again.

" Oh there you are." She grins, grabbing at a lens laid out on the table and connecting it to her camera before lifting the eyepiece to her eyes and lookin through it. " I think the guys finished setting everything up and well after I guess Christo skipped out on the soundcheck like always. "

I nod my head and stay quiet, simply watching her adjust her cameras. I stand like this in silence for several minutes before excusing myself and walking off, little to no thoughts coursing through my mind. I stop and wave at several of the stagehands, my body and mind still too numb to make an effort to make small talk with anyone outside of my comfort zone.

" Hey-" His voice stops me in my spot and I finally look away from down my feet, catching myself before I can move forward anymore. " Are you alright?" He instantly asks, moving closer and lifting my head up by my chin, our eyes finally meeting.

" Im fine, Jack." I lie knowing very well he's the last person I can tell about my recent nightmares. Not only because he's hated Alex from the start and was the one who specifically told me to stay away from him but also because of just how close he was to my uncle Slick. He was always his right hand man, when my uncle Slick was busy and he brought me along on tour Jack was always there to care for me when he couldn't, especially now. When Slick is the farthest he's ever been Jack has been here, holding his promise that he'd take care of me now that Slick cant.