Fluorescents

61

" In the arms,
           of an angel"

Claire holds out her phone as the music plays in the background of the sad ad showcasing the abuse on animals. She wipes the tears from her eyes and I sigh heavily, getting emotional myself but not as much as I did when I would see the ad as a child.

" It's so sad." She sobs, wiping her tears before pulling her phone away when the low battery signal shows up. " Shoot." She mumbles under her breath. " I forgot to charge my solar power outlet." She mutters in a guilty tone.

" Why don't you just use normal outlets." I suggest with a laugh, her eyes instantly widening. I bring my hands up in surrender and mutter an apology, knowing not to intervene in her hippie like ways. " Do you think they're done cleaning up everything from tonight's show?" I question not exactly wanting an answer but merely thinking out loud. She shrugs her shoulders like I hoped she would and I sigh in my spot, feeling slightly guilty that I didn't help the crew clean up like I should have. I just couldn't get myself to stay in the venue any longer. It was suffocating. There was too much tension built up inside and I couldn't bare seeing him as I strolled to the bathroom or put away wires. It would have been dreadful. That's why once we set everything up and I directed my co-workers to their jobs I walked out and made my way onto the bus. Claire showed up some short time later due to the band only wanting pictures for the first half of their show and not really seeing the point in having her take pictures the whole time.

" Alex looked good tonight." She comments and I choke on air, glancing over at her for a second to watch her looking at me worriedly with her camera in her hand. I pat down on my chest and nod my head, not meaning much out of it and merely trying to create a casual atmosphere in the clearly awkward one. " Are you ok?" She questions once I begin to settle down and clear my throat fully. I nod my head and bite down on my lip, getting up from my spot and pacing around the bus like a maniac.
" are you sure?" She questions with a light laugh. I nod my head and rush into the bunks before pulling out a coat and making my way to the front of the bus and stepping out without another word.

I walk forward briskly for several seconds before stopping in my spot, more and more thoughts flooding my mind with each ongoing second. I begin to make my way back but I stop myself once again, turning around and going forward again before stopping for what seems like the hundredth time. My mind catches up with my body and I let out a heavy breath, trying my best to rationalize my actions. My behavior is completely uncalled for. I shouldn't be constantly having and fighting the urge to waltz into whatever room he's in. It shouldn't be a problem I'm having. I should be calm and collected like I was before. When I was with my parents. The thought of them runs through my head and I let out a loud groan, condemning him for making me think about all the things I wish I wouldn't.

" Jocelyn?" Derek's voice sounds through from in front of me and I remove my hands from my face, watching his features come into view. I let out a heavy sigh and land my hands by my side, mouthing a hey as he approaches.  " You ok?" He asks, stepping forward and moving my hair from my face. I nod my head and before I know it he connects his lips to mine without a question asked. I'm shocked and try to push him away at first but he doesn't budge. His fingers dig into my hips and I feel the pain clearly as I bring my hands to his chest and push him back. He looks confused at first but eventually steps back, watching me as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and spit on the pavement.

" What the fuck?" I question, his eyes blowing wide open with the vocabulary he hasn't heard me try on yet. He opens his mouth to respond but closes it as I speak up again. " No warning or nothing." I gag out, continuing to spit out on the sidewalk. He scoffs from in front of me but I ignore him as I fix my messy hair and try my best to look away from him.