Fluorescents

67

" Dancing on quicksand."

Christo finishes off their last song in their encore performance and the sound of the music ending is replaced with the roar of applause. He doesn't bother saying another word and simply waves before walking off, practically tripping over his own feet from how drunk he is. I mentally scold him from in front of the stage and remind myself to talk to both him and Shay sometime soon. I know I have no right to intervene in their relationship or lack thereof but I'm also not a complete jerk and I care about their mental health and from what it looks like their physical health as well. I wouldn't want either of them to end up in the hospital for alcohol poisoning.

" they've decided." A voice speaks to me from my headpiece set in my ears. I respond back with a short Ok before turning to look at Claire and nodding to insinuate that they'll be on soon. The band still spent some extra time deciding on what they were going to do with the set list and I decided to buy some time by giving the opening act permission to run an encore performance. Luckily they've finally decided and didn't leave us completely dumbfounded and the audience disappointed.

It takes what seems like forever for the crew to move out the opening act's equipment and set up and stabilize AM's equipment but eventually they get it done. My nails dig into my palm and my eyes wander around the venue. Several fans watch me with curious eyes but don't spend too much time on me before looking up at the stage, fear of missing out on their entrance keeping them from being too attentive of what I do. Claire messes with her equipment here and there and moves around from in front of the barricade, looking to catch the best angles.

" Where's the center tape." She suddenly speaks by my side, my anxiety causing me to jump in my spot even though I had just seen her seconds ago. I look around on the stage floor and search for the white X but before I can find it my vision goes black. A booming sound follows and I desperately try to keep myself in place as the sound of screaming from right behind me follows. My teeth dig into my bottom lip and I practically shudder in my spot as I see shadows from within the darkness move. My heart rate quickens and I shuffle in my spot, not bothering to look behind me and accidentally bumping into a security guard moving right behind me who is trying his best to keep the fans from breaking through or jumping over the barricade. I look behind to apologize but shake in my spot as a louder booming sound rings right into my nerves. Lights glimmer from behind me and I stay still in my spot, choosing last minute whether or not to turn around. It takes me what seems like hours but in an instant I clear my mind long enough to suddenly switch forward, my eyes catching the image of agony and beauty from in front of me.

Alex pulls the mic to his lips and sings into it, my mind getting lost as I gaze at the fluorescents illuminating and changing him in the most magical of ways. The lights flicker back and forth with the music playing and I watch. Never bothering to look away. I watch as the white lights shower over him in glory. I watch as the black shadows covering his face illuminate him in sin. This man has somehow managed in three weeks to completely break me down away from the mold that I had placed myself in. He has managed to fill me with such powerful emotions and shake me with each of his words or actions.

His body soars and glows from in front of me, the gleam in his eyes capturing my attention practically instantly. I hold my breath as I watch him move in front of me, sweat already beginning to litter his forehead. Part of me, a part deep inside, pushes me to run off and find the nearest bathroom or closet but i stay put, unsure why.

Claire shuffles from around me to capture several good shots and I soon revert my attention to her, too afraid to look back up at him. He continues performing from in front of me and I try my best to continue looking away. Claire gazes at me from the corner of her eye several times as she works to capture the band and the beauty of their performance while i try my best to ignore it. She mouths an 'are you ok'  from several feet away and i nod my head, choosing against worrying her and letting her know that it feels as if there's a deep hole carved into my heart and torn from me. Although i know she's a trustworthy friend and someone who i'd feel comfortable speaking to about almost anything with I'm still not reliant on my own emotions and thoughts. They're much too contradicting and confusing for anyone, even myself to understand. They simply rush out during each moment, each second seeming to change and alter in one way or another.