Fluorescents

43

" Baby hold me closer
in the back seat of your rover"

The song plays through the bar as Alex waves towards the bar tender, asking for another two drinks. I lower my head, hoping she doesn't recognize me as she looks over towards us and nods at Alex. She comes back with two more shots and I quickly lift the glass and bring it to my lips before letting it glide down my throat. I choke slightly but don't allow it to effect me too much.

" You sure aren't a lightweight, sweetheart. " Alex tells me and I laugh lightly before nodding. That's for sure. I've never been the type to simply crave one beer or one glass of wine. I've always gone for the strong liquor that burns your throat in just the right way. 'If you're gonna get drunk might as well go all out' that's what my uncle slick use to say whenever his manager would complain to him the morning after one of his legendary nights out.

" I've had my handful of late nights at bars." I laugh painstakingly and he nods at me before giving me another one of his sly smiles. I don't know how I came to agreeing to go out to a bar with him. It all seems absolutely ridiculous and if the girl I was in the beginning of this tour could see me now she would very much disapprove. Alex has been nothing but a hurricane in my life these past weeks and if I was someone with a good sense of judgement and a powerful sense of control I know I wouldn't be here right now, downing shots and standing only inches away from Alex Turner.

" Hey mc, why don't you play some good tunes!" Alex shouts at the dj, using his hands to make a makeshift megaphone. I turn to look at the dj as he waves him off and rolls his eyes to which Alex reacts by flicking him off once he looks away. I roll my eyes at his childish behavior but still find a smile tugging at my lips. He looks towards me once he hears me let out a small giggle and gazes at me intently. Alex can be an unbearable asshole but he has his moments where I find him just a little less unbearable. Like when he's pouring his heart out on a stage or moments like right now where he's simply staring at me silently with an unreadable look on his face.

" So tell me about yourself." He surprises me by asking. The lady pulls up with another round of shots and I quickly revert my attention to the glasses, trying my best to ignore his burning gaze and the question I don't look forward to answering. He continues gazing at me and I roll my eyes. " What?" He questions, confused by my seclusion. I shrug my shoulders and take the drink into my hands, fumbling with it and trying my best to look away from him and his usual burning gaze. I scan the bar, a cloudy feeling in my chest as I scan each face, hoping to not find anyone familiar.

" I just don't get you." I say, still looking away from him and setting my attention on the lady as she prepares some drinks for a group of young girls that I can't help but imagine being in danger. His eyebrows furrow and he leans his side on the counter, staring at me and waiting for me to continue. " it's already difficult enough to distinguish between sincerity and simply making small talk and well you just make it even more difficult." I shrug before reaching for the shot and pouring it down my throat as if I'm purposely trying to burn my throat to silence myself. The drinks in me have almost gotten rid of my filter and have been allowing me to spill my thoughts to a man I've been sure i could barely trust with knowing my last name.

" What if I told you that I was simply making small talk." He shrugs A sly smile implanting his face. I let out a sigh and look down towards our feet that are surprisingly closer than I originally believed. Once I look up from the floor he catches my attention again as his eyes are still set on me, waiting for me to respond.

" Well then I'd be sure tell you all about the beautiful life I lived growing up." I say sarcastically, yet still genuinely informing him of what I would tell someone that was simply trying to learn about me through mindless small talk. " I'd tell you about my two story cookie cutter home in the quaint neighborhood in the suburbs, right outside of the big city." I continue as he stares at me deeply with an unreadable look on his face. " I'd tell you about my first wonderful boyfriend I met in high school and then dated through college. I'd tell you how we got engage in college while he studied to be a doctor." I say looking around the room and almost imaging the lavish and privileged life I created. " And id tell you about how much we loved one another but how in the end it didn't work out cause I was just too much for him." I shrug, my tone sounding much more monotone than when I originally started my telling of my fairytale." I'd tell you how that wasn't the life that was for me." I say, now realizing that although the life sounds mesmerizing and dreamlike it isn't real, and it never will be. At Least not for me.