Fluorescents

42

" Cause I was still unsure
But it's something I'm used to
And I can tell by your face
No one's ever been rude to you."

The noise from my ringtone shakes us back into reality and I look away and towards my phone that shows Shays contact. I reject the call and mute my phone before quickly lifting myself up and rushing to get my shoes. I don't bother to speak as he begins to move and approaches me.

" Jocelyn-" he restates as I frantically and messily put on my socks and boots, my socks barely touching my ankles. " When did you get back?" He asks curiously before shaking his head and speaking again, rephrasing his once casual question." What are you doing back actually?" He asks letting out a light laugh, more than curiosity in his tone this time around. I don't bother to respond as I begin to walk away. He follows behind me closely, each of his steps imitating mine.  " Jocelyn-" he says grabbing at my shoulder to which I turn around.

" What?" I ask as he flinches at my sudden choice to speak. " What do you want Brandon?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at him as he stares at me dumbfounded. He opens his mouth to speak again but closes it shortly after, silence now following his anxious words. I roll my eyes and turn around, beginning to walk away again. It all just seems like this city hates me. Whenever it reels me in with its beauty it finds a way to shake me back into the reality of its horrendous qualities.

" Jocelyn stop." He calls after me as I begin to make my way down the black staircase on the side of the building. I don't bother listening as I continue walking, the sounds of his steps rattling the staircase accompanying my very own. " Jocelyn can you just wait please." He sighs letting out an obviously desperate plead. I finally oblige and stop in my tracks once I reach the end of the staircase and step on the ground, turning around with my hands crossed over my chest.

" Brandon I don't want to do this." I tell him letting out a sorrowful laugh that I know I'm using to cover over my completely obvious melancholy and dangerous thoughts. " I- I just can't." I say my voice breaking towards the middle and end. He bites down on his lip before gazing down and nodding. I watch his lips mutter an ok before he begins to step away and make his way up the staircase once again. The cold wind blows through the city and blows against my exposed stomach. I pull the sides of my black jacket closer towards me as I step away slowly, his steps much louder than mine.

" Jocelyn." He shouts for me again from the staircase. I turn back around and watch as he begins to make his way down the steps quickly. He stops in front of me and I stay still as he stutters with his words before sighing lightly and shutting his eyes, letting out a light breath before he speaks again. " I'm sorry." He breathes out and I don't bother moving, not even when a tear begins to spew from my eyes once again or even when his hands extends out to slide it from my face, his hand grazing my cheek softly as they do so.  I look down and clear my throat, nodding before turning back around in silence and walking away, the sound of my feet crushing against the gravel overpowering his silence from behind me.

I don't bother turning around as I take myself away from him and the garden I had once loved as a foolish teenager. I walk for what seems like hours, my feet taking me through the city like some type of tour guide although the only thing I seem to pay attention to is my rumbling thoughts that won't leave me alone. It all seems so long ago now. The life I lived before. The mistakes I made and the mistakes that others made for me.

" Jocelyn!" Someone calls after me, my body flinching instinctively before looking up to catch Alex approaching me with a look of relief flashing his features. My body stands still as he runs towards me, his very own body stopping only inches from mine. " Sweetheart, where have you been? I've been searching for you for hours. Why haven't you answered your phone?" He says frantically, his breathing hectic and rattled. My eyebrows furrow and he lets out a heavy breath before reaching for my hand and beginning to lead me to his van. We reach the van and only when he moves his hand away do I realize that our hands had been intertwined like the way they were last night. We get into the van and the driver speeds through the city almost instantly, the sound of honking behind us stopping once we begin to move." Shay told me you ran off." My eyes instinctively roll and he laughs. His hand reaches for mine again and I pull away to which he flinches. He moves his body to sit in an upright position and sits accordingly the rest of the ride, not bothering to speak or touch me again. Once we arrive at the hotel he doesn't speak and steps off quietly once the security guards are there to block him from the group of fans lined outside. The security makes a path for him to enter the hotel but I watch as he steps to the side and takes pictures with several fans before the security rushes him inside by force. Once he's inside and the fans calm down I step out and make my way around the group and lead myself to the small back parking lot where the buses are located. Once I reach our bus I step inside, my mind oblivious to the person contained inside.