Fluorescents

37

" Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
Cause I'm Mr. brightside"

The music used to entertain the crowd plays in the background as I walk around backstage and look for Shay. After my outburst and my wretched moment with Alex I left his room and continued my job, although I spent some time immediately afterwards vomiting and most of my time working wallowing in guilt and self misery. Nothing too out of the ordinary for me these days.

My heart has continued to ache for the way I treated Shay and my hurtful words but I couldn't bring myself to think too long on why I did what I did. It only made me realize how uncalled for it was and how sick it was of me to judge her without completely hearing what she had to say or without even knowing the situation properly. So now I've spent my small amount of free time before the show, trying to find her. Hopefully so we can make up and be by the barrier tonight. Although I don't know ill go if she's not there to accompany me. She's been the reason that I've actually been going, though I can't lie and say that I actually want to try going again. After running off 2 days ago from getting sick I regretted not being able to control my body. The Sioux Falls show the night before was quite enjoyable. Not to mention being by the barrier is every music enthusiasts dream.

" Have you seen Shay?" I ask Clair and she looks away from her camera and gazes at me before shaking her head and reverting it back to the small screen in front of her. I sigh deeply and continue walking around, hoping that I can find her. Minutes go by with me wandering around and before I know it i'm talking into the radio and the lights go off on the main floor. I stay backstage and watch as the opening act shows up and performs their set. I check on things here and there but by now everything runs smoothly throughout so I don't do much but do manual checkups on only the most important things.

Bad Suns finishes their set and I smile at them as they make their way off the stage and the crew runs onto it. Christo gives me a pained smile and I instantly feel sorry for him. He's always seemed so kind and uplifting while today he just seems upset. I could
tell by his performance. It wasn't the same as the ones before. At first I assumed it was due to the constant touring we've been doing and the lack of break days the past 4 days but now I can't help but feel likes it's something else that's been bothering him. I turn back and watch him as he walks to his dressing room and I turn to look away but as he opens his door I catch a glimpse of Shay sitting on the small couch. I don't see much of her but I just watch as she frantically stands up and Christo quickly shuts the door behind him. How long has she been in there? I don't bother to overthink it for too long and I simply get back to work and mind my own business.

We clean up and set up the Arctic Monkey's equipment and I supervise once I'm done speaking with the crew members about any worries or any problems, although there don't seem to be much. The only real problems I've come to during this job is with the people that seem to want to make it a living hell for me.

" Hello darling." A voice comes from behind me and shortly after a hand lands on the small of my back. I turn to look at Nick as he gazes at me with a devilish smile. I try to give him a clearly fake smile and he just grins before licking his lips and speaking up again. " Why don't you come by the barricade tonight, darling." He says as more of a demand than a question and I swallow hard before looking towards Christo's dressing room and shaking my head. " Come on." He urges and I take a deep breath. I have been contemplating whether or not I should go by the barricade but for some reason my anxiety increases when I think about the Arctic Monkey's performance. Maybe it could be that I got some type of taste aversion to their music due to my frantic vomiting the other day? I'm overthinking once again. I look away from Nick and turn to catch a glimpse of Derek as he approaches me and Nick with a puzzled look before speaking up.