Fluorescents

33

" and I know when that hotline bling, that can only mean one thing."

Derek sings along to the music playing throughout the venue and I turn to look at him as he steps away from the soundboard. He thanks the man for playing a song he likes before making his way towards me as I help some of the crew members set up.

" Need any help?" He asks with a grin and I shake my head and roll my eyes playfully. Working with wires and heavy boards seems difficult but I can do it. I went to school for a reason. " Are you sure?" He asks again as he watches me lift the board with another crew member. I nod my head and strain my muscles as I push it up. He shuts his eyes lightly and gazes at me with a worried look on his face as I lift it up. Does he think I'm not capable? I've been doing this for a while. I know what I'm doing.

Once I'm done I step away from the crew and walk around with him, making sure the crew is ok and they don't need any more help. After the Des Moines show yesterday and my frantic vomiting, me and shay made our way back to the bus so I can get some rest. Shortly after we got there Derek showed up at the door and came inside to see me. I didn't question him on why he didn't get any help but I did reject his attempts to reconcile me. All I wanted to do at that time was rest.

" and I know when that hotline bling." Derek sings again and I scrunch my nose in disgust at the sound of the music I don't enjoy being repeated. " What?" He asks with a laugh and I shrug my shoulders and purse my lips before looking away from him and gazing at another board as it is being set up. " You don't like drake?" He asks with a quickly shocked scoff and I shake my head instantly. " Well you obviously have no music taste." He says harshly and I turn away from him and roll my eyes to myself. How freaking rude of him. Yeah I have a music taste and it's pretty freaking good if you ask me.

He walks away without saying another word and I let him go. You'll never find me chasing after a stupid boy. If he wants to walk out, the doors wide open for him to do so.

" hello, sweetheart." I flinch at the sound of the familiar voice and I take several seconds before turning around to gaze at the man. " have you seen Shay around?" He asks and I shake my head before looking away. " I didn't see you by the barricade last night." He mentions and I nod my head before gazing back at the board being set up. He looked straight at me before I even ran off, what an asshole. " Why did you leave?" He asks in a tone that seems sincerely worried and I roll my eyes, not even i'll fall for his acts anymore.  I shrug my shoulders and he shuffles in his spot as I continue ignoring him and pointing my attention towards the boards. " You could have stayed." He states and I nod my head and don't bother answering him. Is it annoy Jocelyn day, today? He groans by my side before speaking up again. " what is your problem?" He scoffs in a harsh tone and I turn to look at him before rolling my eyes and speaking up.

" What do you want?" I almost shout. One of the crew members turns to look at me with a shocked expression so I quiet down as I turn to talk to him again. " you told me to leave you alone, remember?" I ask and he bites down on his lip. I raise an eyebrow at him and he steps away and makes his way backstage, once more running away from his problems. My mind begins to betray me and tells me to go after him in order to continue our argument but luckily Shay appears next to me and reverts my attention away from my dangerous thoughts.

" Hey, lovely." She says with a wide grin and I turn back to smile at her. " what you been up to?" She asks and I wave my hands around at all the chaos around us before rolling my eyes. " What's wrong?" She asks and my eyebrows furrow. " You just seem so pissy today." She tells me and I push her shoulder playful.

" Gee thanks." I say before she wraps her arm around mine and we begin to make our way around the venue.

" I just mean, you're usually so hyped up about everything that involves music but today you just ,I don't know, seem upset. " she says and I bite down on my lip. She's right. I have been in a "pissy" mood. Some of it has to do with Derek & Alex but most of it has to do with the fact that we're heading to my hometown, of Chicago, 2 days from now, after the Milwaukee show today and the St. Louis show tomorrow. I don't think I'm prepared to go back there though. It'll be too much memories. Yet again anything music related brings back too much memories.