Maybe tomorrow

Chapter 39

Unlike usual, the place was quiet.
“They are all upstairs.”, Clary said faintly and together we walked up the stairs. Charlie was the first one to greet us. For the first time today, I actually smiled. He jumped into my arms and chuckled a little when I stumbled backwards a little.
 

“You’re growing so fast. I think soon I won’t be able to give you a piggy-ride anymore soon.”, I teased him, and he grimaced.
“That’s not fair.”, he argued, and I tickled his belly, so that he needed to laugh even harder. I stopped and instead pulled him closer to me. It had been such a long day.
 
“You know, everyone had been so weird… I- I think daddy is mad. Do- do you think I have done something wrong?”, he asked whispering into my ear after a few seconds and I quickly shook my head, but heart ached some more. The press hadn’t even discovered him yet and he was already getting caught in the middle of this mess.
“No, no of course not, sweetheart. Why would you think that? It is probably just something with work. I promise you that it doesn’t have anything to do with you, okay?”, I asked and after a few seconds Charlie nodded, then his grin returned.
 
“Okay, that’s good. Because I really want to ask him if we can buy a new backpack for kindergarten. You know… My old one has whales on there. Whales are boring.”, he said, and I punched him in the side, chuckling a little.
“Since when do you find whales boring?”, I asked, and he shrugged.
“I saw a TV show and the woman there said that whales are totally boring.”
“Did she really say boring?”, I asked, not convinced and Charlie shrugged.
“Well, she said that they don’t even do anything. They don’t have any cool fights with sharks and they just swim around all day. That is boring. And I don’t want a boring backpack.”
He was definitely getting spoiled way too much here, but I wasn’t in the mood to argue with him, so I just said: “Whales are your dads’ favorite animals, you know?”, I asked and his eyes widened. “Really?”
I nodded and he crossed his arms. “Well, then that woman on TV was stupid. I like whales now.”
“Charlie, don’t talk like that!”, I warned him but he was already running off, and I sighed. He was going to the death of me.
 
We followed Charlie to another, but much smaller living room. It had a fireplace as well but there was also a TV and a small kitchen in the back with a refrigerator for midnight snacks. Mr Black and Graham were absent but Mrs Black was sitting on one of the olive green couches. It took me a few moments to spot Damien who was standing by a window, his back turned on us, looking outside.
 
When Mrs Black heard us coming, she got up and turned around. Her smile wasn’t as cheerful as usually. I stood in the doorway nervously while she came in our direction, but my gaze kept going back to Damien, who still didn’t move. I couldn’t see his face, but his muscles were tense, and his hands balled into fists.
I could only hardly resist the urge to rush towards him, but instead I kept standing still until Mrs Black reached us.
 
Instead of saying anything, she pulled me into a tight hug. I froze for a second. Maybe giving hugs in the most unexpected situations was a hobby of hers.
It was better than being screamed at, a lot better actually, but I felt guiltier with the second. This wasn’t right. She should really hate me by now.
 
“I am so glad you are okay. We were all so worried this morning.”, she finally said, and I nodded.
“Yes, it was… quite a shock. I just want to tell you how sorry I am. This is all my fault, I-”, I began but I got interrupted by Damien, who finally turned around.
 
“No. It’s my fault, not yours. I should have known better.”, he said and usually this would have made me feel better, because I knew he didn’t blame or even hate me, but something about his voice was off, and it sounded more like in insult, as if he regretted having spent time with me.
 
“Ally, would you mind?”, he said and pointed down the hallway, indicating that he wanted to talk to me. Alone.
 
I bit my tongue, then I nodded.
“Yes, sure. We will be right back, sweetheart, alright?”, I said to Charlie and he nodded, apparently not noticing the tension inside the room. I left the room and waited for Damien to close the door behind us before he guided me down one of the corridors into his room.
 
I stayed quiet, not wanting to say anything stupid. Asking him how he was, was pointless, as he was probably just as bad as I was.
He brushed through his messy hair with his hand and closed his eyes. Then he opened them again and said: “I’m sorry. This shouldn’t have happened.”
 
Again, something about his tone was off, and I was starting to take offense to it. This was impacting me, just as it was impacting him. I had basically been called a whore in front of the entire world.
“You’re sorry? About what exactly? About us being in thew news or about us kissing in the first place? You know if it’s the latter maybe you could have said something before I was called a slut that tried to seduce her boss and crashed a wedding in the news?”, I asked mad, wondering why in the world I had been so worried about him just two minutes ago.
He started to massage his temples and sighed as if he were talking to a little child that you needed to explain everything twice to.
 
“Don’t do this. You know that that’s ridiculous.”, he said and leaned against a wall while my eyes were dwelling up with tears.
“Ridiculous? Do you really think it is ridiculous that I have just had the worst day of my life? All I am to these people now is a whore. Somebody who would do anything for money or promotion. And despite all that you were the person I was worried most about; and now I am here to see you, and all you say is that I am being ridiculous?”
I could barely stop myself from screaming at him.
 
“We both know that you are not what these people are saying. It’s all just lies.”, he said calmly and stepped closer, reaching for me, but I stepped back.
“And we also both know that the truth doesn’t matter to these people. All they want is a good story. And apparently the truth doesn’t matter to you either! When were you going to tell me that you and Talia were engaged?”
 
Damien let his hand drop, pressing his lips together, but I saw his face paling a little.
“What difference does it make?”, he said and suddenly his voice was barely a whisper, but I was too outraged to notice his change in temper, and I kept going.
 
“It makes a difference to me, Damien. Do you really think that I want to be part of the reason you cancelled that wedding? I don’t want to be exactly what these people are saying I am.”

Tears of anger and sorrow were rolling down my cheeks and I turned away to hide them. I stood there for a few seconds, my breath going irregularly, interrupted by my silent sobs.
All the emotions that I had been trying to hide all day were now coming back to me, and it was too much to handle.

I felt Damien’s embrace from behind and for a second I thought about pushing him away.
“I am sorry.”, he said again, this time it sounded honest and the pain in his voice caused my heart to ache even more, so I turned around and wrapped my arms around his torso and buried my face in his shirt.

He caressed my back while my trembling fingers dug into his back, desperately searching for the crutch and safety that only he could give me.