Maybe tomorrow

Chapter 26

Damien would pick me up in a couple of minutes. I wasn't sure whether I should be excited or terrified. For the past week I had tried not to think too much about the imminent encounter.
I

was wondering whether Damien had felt the same way when I told him that I needed to talk to him in person after all these years.
It was almost ironic. He had sounded so sincere, when he had told me he was sorry at the gala last week, but again, he was Damien, and by now he could have changed his mind all over again.

I had kept myself busy by going grocery shopping, calling my parents and a few friends from college, and tidying our apartment, and of course by going out with Celia and Clary.
I couldn't remember the last time I had had this much fun. But now it was time to get back to reality.
Charlie's chemotherapy session wouldn't be until this evening and Mr and Mrs Black would bring him to the hospital and meet us there.

I was a nervous wreck, not just because I would see Damien again, but also because today we would maybe be able to set a date for his finishing surgery.
If the doctor gave his approval the surgery would be within the next month or two, and now, with Damien having taken care of all the hospital bills that had still been unpaid, there really wasn't anything I had to worry about besides making sure Charlie could live his life the way he had before this whole mess had started.

I put my coat on and checked my image in the mirror.
I looked decent. My hair was still wavy from it having dried in a braid and I had not put on makeup, just to be sure, because something about this handsome jerk seemed to make me cry on a frequent level, which would ruin the makeup anyway.
And usually, they weren't tears of joy.

I turned away from the mirror and grabbed my phone.
I had promised Celia I would text her what happened and this time, I intended on keeping that promise.

I did everything to stay calm and keep a straight, casual expression on my face, but when Damien arrived, my heart started to flutter again.
It was stupid but I couldn't help it.
I hated the way my body reacted to him and silently I hoped he wouldn't notice my flushed cheeks or my erratic heartrate when we met outside the apartment building.

His hair was messier than usual, and it was still a little wet like as if he had just taken a shower.
I wasn't sure what to do or say.
We weren't exactly friends and he was also practically my boss, so hugging him seemed a little weird but shaking hands would hardly be any better, considering we had a son together and somehow even thinking that out loud in my mind, made me flush even more.

To avoid any awkward moments for as long as possible, I got directly into his car, mumbling only a short greeting.
Damien seemed to notice how uncomfortable I felt.

"What is it?", he asked, and I shrugged and bit my lip, not knowing what to answer for a moment.
"I don't know. I am just waiting for you to change your mind and yell at me again. You're only nice to me when I am either drunk or sick.", I answered trying to make it sound like a joke but we both knew it wasn't.

He didn't deny it and instead he just sighed quietly and turned away, but not before catching a glimpse at his expression.
His jaw was clenched and there was a tinge of guilt in his eyes, but I could have been wrong.
He started the engine of his car. It was the same car he had taken me to his apartment in a few years back.
Today I took my time to admire the modern features and the soft beige leather. Charlie would love it.

"So where are we going?", I asked, trying to start a conversation and his smirk returned.
"You'll see." I rolled my eyes. I hated surprises.
"Where is Charlie?", he asked.
"Well, he has been with your parents since Friday but when I talked to Charlie yesterday evening, he told me that Graham took him for another ride in his car.
Ever since the gala they seem to get along pretty great and your parents will take Charlie to the hospital later, we will meet them there.", I explained and noticed how Damien stiffened a little, when I mentioned his brother.

"What is it with you and Graham anyway? Did you have an argument or something? I've never seen you two together, let alone talking to each other.", I wanted to know curiously, expecting an ironic answer but instead he frowned.

For a short moment he seemed uncertain whether he should talk about this to me, but then he sighed and decided to answer.
"I don't really know what is going on with him. He has been so weird in past months. We used to pretty close but now we barely talk. He has been avoiding me.", he admitted, and I thought about how Clary had said the same thing.

"I am sorry.", I responded because I didn't know what else to say.
He shook his head.
"It's not your fault. I just wish I knew what is going on, but he doesn't want to talk to me. Or anyone, really. And sometimes he just disappears for a while, sometimes even for days and he won't tell anyone where he is going or who he is with.
Not even his bodyguards know because he just keeps just running off. It drives our mother crazy.
She has even called the police once or twice because he wasn't answering his phone. Our family has many enemies because of the company and all money that is flowing and even though we try our best to stay out of the spotlight it isn't that hard to find out who one of us is."

I was silent for a few seconds. I couldn't imagine how scary it must have been for Graham's family.
Of course, Graham was an adult but even thinking about not knowing where Charlie was and what he was doing was making me go mad.

"So where is your bodyguard then?", I asked with a slightly teasing voice to change the subject and Damien smiled again.
"Don't worry, he is always close by. And I can take very good care of myself, Princess. But you have to teach me your self-defense techniques sometime.", he smirked, and I flushed a little.
"Sure. I can show you.", I said grinning and he raised an eyebrow.
"Like you showed me the last time?", he asked, and I slapped his arm.

"No, you jerk. Definitely not. I was totally wasted that night and you know that. You cannot hold me responsible for that.", I argued, and he laughed.
His laugh made the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. I flushed embarrassed when I thought of our kiss. Or kisses.

He shot me an amused gaze.
"You still don't know how to hit someone and actually do some damage." he commented my stroke and I snorted.
"I can. But I don't want to die in a car accident, so focus on the road.", I ordered while he took a sharp left turn. The tires squealed a little and I shrieked.
"You did that on purpose!", I yelled accusingly and laughed but just smiled.

"The Central park?", I asked confused when we arrived.
"Yes, why not. You haven't been since you were here, right?"
I shook my head, he was right.

I had been wanting to go ever since we arrived in New York though. This had always been my favorite place to hang out.
Some parts of the park were always crowded but there were also a few places most people didn't know about and sometimes I would spend my time reading and doing homework on one of the many benches.
The Central park, as well as the other parks, was a small piece of heaven in this concrete jungle, where everyone was always busy and on the run. I had always loved nature and being outside in the woods was one of the things I had missed most during my college time in New York.
Most people didn't share my proclivity for nature though.
"No, I haven't.", I admitted therefore, and we got out of his car after we had found a parking spot. We got out of his car and made our way through a huge gathering of Asian tourists in the same blue shirts.

"Let's go this way."
Damien grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the entrance. It was pretty early and there weren't too many people around, but we didn't talk much until we reached one of the two smaller lakes.
We walked along the road towards a bridge leading towards the other side and even though we had passed the crowds, he didn't let go off my hand that was starting to feel sweaty and tingly, and I tried to calm myself by taking in deep, steady breaths, which was harder that it sounded.

No one beside us was here. Maybe people just liked sleeping in on Sundays, or maybe it was just too cold.
It was almost May, but the temperatures hadn't quite caught up with spring yet. Today though, the weather was nice.
It wasn't as windy as usual, and the sun was slowly creeping out behind a thick layer of clouds.

When we reached the middle of the bridge, I leaned against the stone railing and stared down at the motionless, dark water. I had come here on my last day in New York. It was oddly peaceful here, despite the tourists.
And moments like these were rare in New York.

I was still staring down at the water, but I could feel Damien's presence right beside me. Even though we didn't touch anymore I could sense the heat he radiated and his gaze that made my skin prickle.
Finally, I turned around and looked up to him, taking in a deep breath.
His eyes were bright and blue as always.

I could have stared into them and never gotten tired of it. They amazed me in a way nothing else could and I cleared my throat, trying to break away from his mesmerizing eyes. Finally, I remembered the reason we had come here for and I looked away.

"So, what now? Are you going to explain everything?"
My voice was hoarse, and my eyes were fixed on my shoes while Damien ran his fingers through his dark hair.

Then he came closer and his hands enclosing my face, forcing me to look at him again. Now that I really looked at him, I noticed the faint dark circles under his eyes and his skin, that was a little paler than usual.
He looked exhausted.

"I am sorry, Ally. For everything I said and did. I never wanted to hurt you, believe me.", he sounded so sincere that it was hard to still be angry on him, but I wouldn't let my emotions fool me again, like they had with Malcolm. Not yet at least.

"But you did hurt me, Damien."
I didn't want him to know how much pain his words had caused me. He was arrogant enough; he didn't need to know how much power he had had over me. Still had, I realized. But denying it was pointless; he probably already knew.

"I know. And you deserve better than that. But I was still so mad at you for keeping Charlie from me and some days I still find myself waking up and thinking it was all a dream. My life was a mess and just when I thought I had everything mostly figured out, you came along, and I became a father overnight. It was overwhelming. But none of that gave me the right to treat you like that. What I said... I really wanted to punch myself afterwards but thankfully Clary took that over for me."

I almost laughed. "She did?"
Damien smiled a little.
"Yes, she did. And her strikes hurt a lot more than yours. I really regret teaching her how to throw punches properly."

"Well, you really brought it onto yourself then."
I secretly smiled when I thought of Clary and her brother picking a fight. And I also felt gratitude towards her. Violence wasn't exactly the best way, but I appreciated her trying to help me.

"I would have deserved much worse than that. And I am also sorry for what Talia did. Clary told me she came to the apartment."
He grabbed my wrists tenderly and observed them carefully, but the bruises were long gone.
Still he brushed over my hands with his thumb and I shivered slightly at his light, but warm touch. I flushed again.

"She promised me she wouldn't tell anyone. It really wasn't a big deal."
He shook his head and let go off my hands and with his hands, the warmth left too.
"It is a big deal. She is used to always getting what she wants but that doesn't excuse her behavior. But if it makes you feel better, she came for me too."

He grinned a little and pulled up his sleeve, revealing long reddened scratches covering his entire arm.
"She waited for me at my apartment yesterday when I came back. She is still furious that I broke up with her. She isn't a bad person, she is just... difficult sometimes."

Difficult was probably still too nice for her, but by the way Damien spoke about her, I could tell that she still meant something to him and even though it was stupid, I felt a little twitch in my heart.
I knew there wasn't any reason to be jealous, I didn't even have the right to be jealous. She had been his girlfriend for the past few years while I had just been a one night stand. I kept quiet and bit my lip, nervously, not knowing what to do, but thankfully I didn't need to say anything because he already started talking again.

"I understand why you didn't tell me, or at least I am trying to. You are just so different from Talia and I would lie if I told you that you don't frustrate me sometimes."

At least he didn't try to argue with me which was progress.
"Like I said, it isn't a big deal. And your ex-girlfriend is the last thing I want to talk about right now. You wanted to explain your behavior towards me, not hers." I crossed my arms and he nodded.

"You are right, and I will. I don't know if you remember, you were very drunk after all, but I told you about our company when we first met, and how things weren't going to well when my grandfather took it over."
"I don't really remember any details.", I admitted and his lips slightly curved upwards before he continued but he still seemed tense and his eyes were flickering back and forth like he expected someone to hide behind some bushes and eavesdrop on our conversation.
He seemed nervous and that made me nervous too, because the Damien I knew was never nervous.

"Well, the company was deeply in debt and the people we owed money... Let's just say they weren't the friendly kind but without these people our company would have never made it."
I swallowed hard and I couldn't help but think back to Clary's reaction when I asked her about the rumor that Talia was the daughter of a Mafia boss.
Damien grabbed my hand again as if he were afraid I would run away if I had the chance.

"So, what is that supposed to mean then?", I asked, trying to sound unconcerned.
"Clary told me that you know about the rumors going around. Most of the things people write about our family and Talia's are just made up.
We all like to have our privacy and there isn't a lot that people know about us and because of that they choose to just spread crazy rumors. But unfortunately, some of the things they write aren't as farfetched as I would like them to be."

I held my breath for a second. "So, she is...? Oh my God. Her father really is in the... Mafia?"
Saying it out loud made it sound even crazier than in my head.
Damien cringed at my hysteric tone and, again, carefully looked around but there was still no one here besides us.

"Something like that." He grimaced and he stepped closer, laying a hand on my shoulder.
"Just calm down."
But how was I supposed to calm down? She could probably snap her fingers, and somebody would come and kill me, and then disperse my body in the Hudson river afterwards.

My thoughts were racing and only when I started to feel dizzy, I realized that I had started to hold my breath again. Slowly I exhaled my mouth and then took another deep breath in.

"She really isn't that bad once you get to know her. And she isn't stupid, she wouldn't do anything that would harm you severely."
He sounded convinced by that but judging by the way she had looked at me when we first met, I wasn't so sure of that.
And that day she hadn't even known that I had slept with her boyfriend. I pushed that thought aside and focused and Damien.

"Why are you telling me all this? And how does this explain the way you treated me?", I demanded to know, and he frowned a little and his whole body was tense like if the words he was about to say, were really hard to actually voice.

"Ever since Talia and I first met she was convinced that her and I would get... married someday. She can be nice if she wants to. She is a good person; I just don't think she knows that herself yet. And because of our debt to her father I never complained."

"But now the company is one of the most successful in the country! Just pay him back!", I responded confused and he shook his head, slightly desperate.

"Don't you understand? It isn't about the money. We have paid them back everything years ago. This is about honor and loyalty."
"So, you really were planning on marrying her? Wait, are you still planning on marrying her?"
I couldn't hide the disbelief, pain, and disappointment in my voice. He shook his head and closed his eyes for a few seconds.

"No, I mean yes. I was planning on marrying her but now that you are here... That is the reason why I tried to keep you away from all of this. There is something about you... ever since we first met, I couldn't take my eyes off you.
I am not used to people contradicting me, but you are so stubborn and quick-tempered, it drives me insane. I really tried to make you hate me so you would stay away from me. Because somehow I can't find a way to stay away from you. You are the reason why I broke up with her."

My heart fluttered and the butterflies in my stomach returned. It was hard to breathe under his intense gaze. Still, I forced myself to speak up.
"What- What do your parents think about all this?"

He sighed deeply. "My parents never wanted me to marry Talia because they know how I feel about her. But you have to understand, Talia's father could ruin our entire company within seconds if he wanted to. There are documents about tons of illegal money transfers and if those are published no one will care that that was such a long time ago. My father would have to take all the blame."

"But wouldn't he ruin himself too, by that? Don't you have any sort of leverage on him too?", I asked confused. None of this seemed to make sense.

"Yes, we do, but not enough. And even if we did, he is like a ghost. He and his family could be gone within an hour if they wanted to, without any traces of them ever even existing.
The media don't really know anything about them, except that he is a very successful businessman. The only one they are actually aware of is Talia. And there are barely any pictures.
Even I have only met him a few times and they could just go and start a new life outside New York, or the country even. But we have a life here. This is our home. We can't just go and leave."

I was silent. All the resentment I had felt, was gone.
I had had no idea. This wasn't Damien's fault. He had been forced into this and that was probably worse than what my fate had brought upon me.
I had always had a choice. No one forced me to keep Charlie, to keep his cancer from my parents, or to date Connor or Malcolm.

"I am so sorry." I didn't know what else to say. I was still in shock. He was silent for a few seconds, then he sighed.
"Me too. I should have told you earlier. It wasn't fair to throw you under the bus like that."
I almost laughed.
"I did the same thing to you, so don't worry about it."

"So how about we make a deal?", he asked and stepped even closer so that I was clamped between him and the railing at my back.
His face was only a few inches away.

"What would that be?"
My voice was hoarser than ever, and I was oddly reminded of the night in his apartment. I flushed a little and finally his smile returned.

"No more secrets." I was surprised for a second, but then I nodded. He was right. Those seemed to have made everything more complicated.

"No more secrets.", I agreed breathlessly before he closed the gap between us and kissed me. I hadn't realized how much I had yearned for this feeling.
His hands wrapped around my waist and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer.
He chuckled a little but didn't let go. The kiss was gentler than the ones in his apartment, but it still sent pleasant shivers down my spine and the tingling increased with every second and my heart was racing.

But my brain seemed to shut off. All I could think about was him, me and how I wished this kiss would never end.
There was no Talia, no money, no Malcolm and even Charlie faded into the background of my mind for a while.

Just for now, time was frozen.