Maybe tomorrow

Chapter 24

At first I was unsure of where to go.
I

didn’t actually need to go to the restroom. But it wouldn’t hurt to check them out. At least I would know where they were for later. It took me about five minutes to find the bathrooms.
I stayed in there for another five, washing my hands at least 3 times because the rose water soap smelled so good. I also tried out the different perfumes and oils that were standing in a little basket on the vanity together with some wrapped mints for bad breath, that I tried as well.
They tasted really good and I wanted to take some for later but then I realized that the dress didn’t have any pockets.
The dress was stunning, but absolutely not practical.
 
The rest of the time in the bathroom I spent admiring myself in the dress in the mirror but then a group of older ladies came in, and I left.
When I came back from the bathroom to our table, Mr and Mrs Black were gone and I didn’t have anything to do anymore so I walked around a little bit, admiring the fresco painted on the ceiling. That of course resulted in me not paying attention to where I went, and I accidentally bumped into someone.
Someone familiar. And also, the last person I wanted to meet here tonight (before Damien of course).
 
It was Connor and he looked just as surprised as I must have looked.
“Allison?”, he asked with a few seconds delay, while my mouth turned dry a little.
He hadn’t changed since I had last seen him. His sandy blond hair was styled the exact same way it had always been, his eyes were still grey, and firm and he still had the same posture, and even the suit looked no different from the one he had worn at the party a few years ago.
 
“Connor.”, I said and cleared my throat. I tired to smile, but I failed miserably.
“What are you doing here?”, he asked and stepped closer, grabbing my arm, as if he wanted to make sure I was actually here and not just a fata morgana. But apparently I passed his close-up inspection because the doubt and in his eyes faded.
The confusion however stayed.
 
I shouldn’t have been surprised by his presence. Afterall his family also lived in New York, and his parents were rich and very involved in local politics.
But I couldn’t help but be shocked.
 
“I- I am here with friends.”, I responded, and he knitted his eyebrows.
“Friends? This is not an event that you can just attend with your college friends. You need the proper connections and a certain … Prestige. So, who are you here with?”
 
For some reason he held on to my arm. Maybe he was afraid I would run away, or maybe he was just to astonished to even notice it.
If it was the previous one, he hadn’t needed to bother because I myself was too caught off-guard to be able to move, let alone run away.
But after a few more seconds I straightened my shoulders and found my voice again.
 
“It is none of your business who I am here with, Connor. But if you must know, I am here as a friend of the Blacks.”
Connor was so surprised that he forgot to squeeze my arm to death, and I took my chance and wriggled myself free.
 
Connor opened his mouth again, and I was already taking a step backwards to leave, when a girl, also familiar to me, stepped insight and linked her arm with Connor’s.
 
She looked at him, then at me. I saw now sign of recognition in her eyes.
But how could she have. The last time she had been busy undressing and kissing Connor in a cubby. I, on the other hand, remembered her perfectly.
Macy looked stunning in her taffy-colored evening gown.
 
“Who is that, honey?”, she asked in the same high-pitched voice. She turned to Connor again and bashed her eyelashes at him.
 
“No one. I was just about to leave anyway.”, I said quickly and turned around. Connor still stared at me, but I forced myself to ignore him, and left, disappearing in the crowd before either one of them could stop me.
 
I didn’t stop walking until I reached the very end of the hall and I finally came to a stop next to the buffet. Heavily breathing I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes for just a second, before opening them again and canning the crowd.
But neither Macy nor Connor were to be seen anywhere. People were crowding around the middle of the room and no one seemed to even notice me.
 
I wasn’t even sure why it had been such a shock to see Connor and Macy here. I shouldn’t have cared, and the truth was: I didn’t.
I was over Connor and the fact that he had cheated on me. I could honestly say that I wished him the best for his future and that he and Macy still seemed to be dating wasn’t what bothered me.
 
What bothered me that I had been confronted with what had happened a few years back so unexpectantly. It was all coming back to me.
I remembered how I had caught Connor cheating, how I had sat at the bar, how Damien and I had talked and how he had punched Connor.
 
I also remembered how horrible I had felt when I had first seen Connor and Macy together. As if it had been the end of the world.
 
Now a cheating boyfriend would have been the least of my problems.
It had all been so easy back then, and that night, that single night, had changed everything.
 
Next to me a woman grabbed a glass of punch and turned to me smiling.
“Do you want one, love?”, she said with a thick British accent and I forced myself to smile.
 
“Yes, thank you, why not.”, I replied, and she handed me her glass and filled another one for herself. Apparently the British really did have good manners.
 
After the woman had left, I nipped at my drink. It tasted terrific, and the warm liquid running down my throat seemed to have a calming effect on me for my heart started beating in it’s normal pace again.
The punch was a deep cherry red and tasted like nothing I had ever tried before. It was fruity and sweet, yet I could also tell that cinnamon and other unidentifiable spices had been added.
 
While I kept drinking, I wondered whether Damien knew that Connor was here.
He probably did though. Afterall he and Connor had grown up together and he had mentioned himself, that they always attended the same events together.
 
I hated that even now, with so many other people around me, and so many other things to worry and think about, Damien was the one person I couldn’t seem to be able to keep my mind off. It was maddening, and against all odds, it kept getting worse the more I drank of the punch.
 
I wasn’t stupid. I knew exactly how drinking alcoholic beverages had ended for me the last time. I was on my fourth glass of punch already.
But drinking the punch at least gave me something to do. It was better than sitting alone at our table, with Arthur McKagen as my only company.
 
No one here seemed to have even the slightest interest in me. Clary and Jared were probably the only people I knew here, except for Connor and Damien, but I didn’t want to disturb them.
 
I was debating whether I should get a cab to go home when I noticed someone walking towards me. It was Damien.
 
The punch had after all given me more confidence, otherwise I might have fled into the girl’s bathroom.
So instead of panicking, I rolled my eyes and took another sip of my drink and raised an eyebrow.
 
Damien reached me and wrapped his hand around my arm, the same one with that I was holding my drink, and the punch almost spilled on my dress.
What was it with men grabbing my arm today? Hadn’t even tried to run away. Not that I would have gotten far in these high heels anyway.
I shot him an angry gaze.
 
“Be careful.”, I snarled at him, but he just smirked.
“You are so cute when you are mad.”
I wanted to slap him, or at least spill my drink on him but fortunately for him, the punch was too good to be wasted like that.
 
He finally let go off me because apparently he was now convinced that I wouldn’t try to make an escape.
I chugged the rest of my drink and he raised an eyebrow.
“How many have you had of these?”, he asked suspicious and I rolled my eyes. Why did he care?
 
“Maybe 20 or so.”, I answered ironically and for a few seconds we just glared at each other in silence, before he sighed, and his features softened. 
“Please, Ally. I need to talk to you. Don’t be like this.”
 
“Are you serious? Now you are here complaining about my behavior? You are unbelievable.”, I snorted.
 
“I know, Ally. Just… Please. You have no idea how hard this is for me. But I am sorry. Just let me explain it to you.”
I felt my cheeks turn red in anger and the rage I had felt in his office was back within a split second with such eminence force that I forgot how to breathe for a moment.
 
“Now you want to explain it to me? I practically begged you to tell me what was going on with you when we were on that plane but all you told me was to leave you and your family alone. Why do you suddenly want to talk now?”
 
He exhaled deeply and grabbed the punch glass from my hand and put it beside us on a table. Then he took my hand and pulled me towards the middle of the room where people were dancing. There was an orchestra on a platform in the back that I hadn’t yet paid much attention to.
Apparently whoever had planned this gala was a serious fan of classic music.
 
“What are you doing?”
He didn’t answer. He just pulled me further until we were in the middle of all the dancing couples. He laid his hand on my back and pulled me closer.
 
“I am really not in the mood to dance right now.”, I hissed, and he smiled but that just made me even more furious. He was lucky that we were in the middle of a crowd right now or else I probably wouldn’t have been able to keep me from screaming at him.
“I know.”, he said softly, and I forced myself to take a deep breath.
“Then why are you doing this to me?”
 
I looked up to him and despite the dim light his eyes were shining bright but the smile and the amusement in his eyes were gone.
I hated how fast his moods changed.
 
“I never planned on hurting you, Ally. Yes, I was mad that you kept Charlie from me but that is not the reason why I wanted you as far away from this as possible. But you are so stubborn. I should have known that you would do the exact opposite of what I told you.”
 
I raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? So, what you are saying is, that this is all my fault. And there I was, thinking you wanted to apologize.”, I frowned ironically, before I decided that I had listened to this long enough already. I tried to free myself, but he didn’t let go.
“You are right, you have every right to be upset. I know that this is really confusing and upsetting, and I-”
 
I finally wriggled myself free and immediately stepped back a little. I didn’t even notice the confused looks that other people shot in our direction.
 
“No, you don’t understand! You keep saying that you know how I must feel and how much you have hurt me, but you don’t. You have no idea what you did to me. I just saw Connor and the girl he cheated on with me and you know what? I didn’t care!
After after everything I’ve been through with Malcom and Connor you were still the one who hurt me most. Do you have any idea how many hours I spent crying over you-”
I had to stop myself and clasped a hand over my mouth to keep me from sobbing.
 
I looked up and saw that a few couples around us had stopped dancing and were now staring at us. I wanted to scream at them. Couldn’t they mind their own business?
But instead I turned and fled through the open doors outside in the corridor.
 
I rushed past the restrooms and reached the gigantic staircase but instead of going downstairs, I went up. The thick red carpet drained out the sound of my heels on the floor.
There was nobody here beside me and the corridors were only dimly lit but I didn’t stop walking until I reached a small balcony. All the doors and windows were open.
 
I slowed down and stepped outside. As soon as the cool brise hit my face I felt myself calming a little, but the silence didn’t last long.
 
“Here you are.”, Damien’s voice said, and I jerked a little. Then, however, I turned around and glared at him. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone already?
 
“What do you want?”, I asked a little defeated.
“I need to apologize. Again. I have to admit I am not great at making apologies and maybe I haven’t been very considerate.”
I snorted but he kept going.
 
“All of this is so much more complicated than you could ever imagine. I know you probably hate me, but I was doing it to protect you and Charlie.
I was trying to keep you away from all of this, but it wasn’t fair to treat you like this and I should have realized how much I hurt you.
But believe me, nothing of what I did had to do with me wanting revenge or wanting to hurt you. I should have known you would draw the wrong conclusions.”
 
“The wrong conclusions?”, I asked in disbelief, “Anyone would have drawn those conclusions!”
He sighed again, as if he were a teacher and I were a stupid pupil that just wouldn’t understand the simplest math equation.
 
“You are right, you deserve better than this but please give me a chance to explain.”
 
Apologizing certainly wasn’t one of his strengths.
But I could tell that standing in front of me, practically begging me to listen, hurt his ego. And a small, sadistic part of me enjoyed seeing him struggle like that. I wouldn’t give in this easily.
For what I knew he could change his mind again any second.
 
I crossed my arms. “Go ahead then. Explain it to me.”
 
“Yes, and I will. But not here. And not when you are drunk. Nobody can know about this, believe me. But after Thursday… I realized that I can’t stay away from you. I am not even sure if I want to anymore. And we can’t do that to Charlie.”
 
He sounded so honest and his eyes that seemed to glow in the dim light of the chandeliers, were full of sorrow and pain that seemed to reflect the exact way I felt.
Maybe he wasn’t lying after all.
I had never yet considered that maybe he was suffering just as I was.
But why?
 
“I am not drunk.”, I stated because I was still undecided on whether to believe him.
He laughed and I felt the butterflies return to my stomach.
I hadn’t even realized how much I had missed this sound.
 
“Just promise- Promise me that you are actually being serious this time. Promise me, that there is a good explanation for your mood changes and for you being such a douchebag.”, I said, and I knew that I had already given in. I blamed the alcohol.
 
He grabbed my hand and looked down at me. He looked so sincere that at that moment, I had no doubt he was telling the truth.
 
“I promise.”