Pretty Venom |N.H|

23

June 14.

I always hate the drive to the venue. It's absolutely awful.

The traffic is insane considering everyone is rushing to the same arena at the same time, and having fans chase your vehicle is not fun when you aren't in the band. We don't exactly get the same thrill as them.

I have gotten better with the crowds the more I have to face them, but I don't think I'll ever be used to it. Having hands grabbing at you every time you take a step is terrifying. Sure, there are some security guards here and there, but they can only keep an eye on so many fans at a time, and they don't really care if they reach any of the crew since their job is to protect the band.

Today when we were loading into the cars, a younger fan — and I mean young, like maybe twelve — dove into the band's car. All I heard was shouting before I saw a tall man pull her out, all while she was flailing her arms to try coming into contact with the band. The security guard started to drag her out of the area when she put up a fight, making all four of their heads pop out of the car to watch her dramatic exit. 

Moments like that can be so scary, but the band doesn't think twice about it considering the growing attention from fans is only increasing by the second.

Something else I won't get used to is how... dedicated and loving... these fans are. They will go to any length to talk to the guys or even get a close look at them.

Our windows are tinted, so the fans can't actually see who is inside each car, but because the windows are tinted, they assume every car holds at least one band member.

They are firmly wrong.

There is nothing like getting flashed with a pair of tits when you are sitting next to your father.

I have tagged along at shows with him a ton of times growing up, but never with artists so young. It was always an old country singer or a band with middle-aged fans. I didn't have any interest in those artists either. It's a completely different experience this time around.

It's something for everyone to get used to, but nothing will prepare me for the awkward ride in silence after getting flashed.

We've learned to keep our heads down on the drive from now on.

Apart from that, everything's great right now.

I handled some college preparations yesterday — slight decorating ideas on my side of the room, but nothing major that would make me double check with Paige before making a purchase. My mom also asked me if I wanted any 'back-to-school clothes', as if I was five-years-old preparing for my first day of kindergarten.

I mean, I'm her second child going to college, you would think she wouldn't really be holding onto the 'My kids are growing up and it's so hard to let them go' thing anymore. But if it's getting me free clothes then oh well, fine by me.

Surprisingly, I'm looking forward to college, or maybe I'm looking forward to a new beginning. A fresh start.

I was feeling so negative about college when I was still in high school. Knowing that I had another four years of mentally draining work was killing me slowly, and I was seconds from withdrawing my applications and forgetting about it completely. I can't even begin to count the number of breakdowns I endured during that whole process, but once it was done and I was finally able to breathe, things started to lighten up.

That's the thing with me.

Everything in my life will suddenly feel so dark and heavy, draining everything from me, until suddenly it just stops and I'm in this 'I don't give a fuck about anything that doesn't deserve my energy' mindset. It works the other way around too, which isn't so pleasant.