Pretty Venom |N.H|

94

Songs to listen to in this chapter:

remembering sunday - atl

where do broken hearts go - one direction

right girl - the maine

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Niall Horan

February 14.

Well.

It's pretty obvious that I didn't end up going to Los Angeles, and neither did the rest of the band. I'm assuming Jim didn't either. Maybe he's back in his office in Boston trying to figure something out considering I'm sitting in a detention center right now.

I have barely said a word to anyone. That's the way it should go since I don't have a lawyer right now. I have been told that they will give me a lawyer if I can't come up with one on my own. The only thing I have said in response is, "I didn't do this," but of course that's what someone guilty would want to prove. A lawyer would help me a lot right now and make me sound a lot less idiotic.

Everything at the airport happened around seven-thirty. I said my goodbye to Jasey, feeling low because of that, but holding onto the exciting things that I would be leaving for as a motivation to get through it and see her when I have the time again.

As soon as I felt okay with things, I got smacked upside the head in the worst possible way.

Bags of cocaine that I hadn't seen, hadn't touched, hadn't even thought about suddenly appeared in my bag. I felt even more idiotic for the way I suggested without a care in the world that security checked my bag further than they were initially going to. I knew I didn't have anything that would be of any concern, and more importantly, I knew I was months and months clean of any sort of drug stronger than marijuana.

Every memory from four and a half years ago came rushing back in.

The questions on the spot.

The answers I wasn't capable of giving because I was too overwhelmed and confused to think clearly.

The click of the handcuffs and the pinching against my skin.

The stares and the cries of the people I care about.

The fear on my own band's faces. They have heard about this happening to me before, but they never saw it take place. It's like they were witnessing a replay of my history right in front of them, because they were, but they would never be able to comprehend it, and I wouldn't be able to explain it in time.

I have never seen Jasey in the state she was in last night. I never could have imagined it. It was my worst nightmare. Seeing her crying like that, seeing her in pain over something that would be a punishment to me, hearing her weeping just feet away from me when I couldn't comfort her hurt like I had been stabbed a hundred times, bleeding out in front of her.

The only thing I ever wanted to do was protect her, and I couldn't do it.

I got too comfortable, too relaxed, too at peace. I fell so in love with her that I let every guard down.

By trying to protect her, I grew as weak as possible until the only thing I could do was hurt her.

This isn't fair.

This isn't fair.

This isn't fair.

When I left the airport, I was taken to the detention center, where I immediately had to prove my identification and fill out paperwork like I was signing myself up for some sort of fun retreat, when in reality I was being patted down moments later and taken in for a fucking mugshot. They took my fingerprint on every finger and even took a DNA sample, a cotton swab in my mouth.