Dear Diary|| Loki x Fem!Reader.|| Slow Updates

21.Peachy Champagne

Songs:

-Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran

-Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade

-Adore You by Miley Cyrus

-It's Been a Long, Long Time by Harry James

Dear Diary,                                                                                                                                 November, 25th.

It's been a while since I wrote here, I was kind of lost in assignments and preparation. And thoughts. And Loki. I just don't know what to think. Not that I don't like him, more like I don't know if he reciprocates.

He's always like a goddamn teenager on her period, one day he loves to sit there with me and chat, the other it's like I barely exist. One day he is all loving and caring, mending my wounds, the other he is passive aggressive.

It's been a week since he came in my room at night in tears and we slept in my bed. The following morning we spent hours discussing about what happened, yet I felt like he omitted something. I could tell from miles away. 

Don't get me wrong, it's already a huge improvement but it always leaves me there, at the edge between "he likes me" and "he doesn't like me the way I want".

The other day, when we were training, for a split second I thought he was going to shove me against the wall, which he did cause we were training, but it didn't end up like I thought it would. Y'know? Kissing? I felt like we were on the same page right there, cause he stared at me for a few seconds and his eyes. Oh dear, his eyes. He had that lustful look ugh. I swear, next time I'll have a chance I'll jump on it and kiss him.

What's the worst that could happen? He is going to reject me and I'll be perfectly fine cause at least I didn't bottle up for once.

How do you even deal with rejection? I don't fucking know. Well, off to learning.

Have I really been venting about Loki for this whole page? Let's talk about something else.

I've been trying to talk with Steve, casually dropping hints about this whole situation and not only he is clearly missing it, but he's always up to something. In a rush.

First he left me on read for the whole time I was alone with Loki, side note: he promised he would bring me pizza and he didn't, now he is 90% of the time out of reach. Again.

Tony said it's something related to James, but I wonder why he didn't mention it at all. Last week we spent hours chatting and he didn't even mention him or what happened. Nor he apologized for disappearing. Actually he did, but he didn't make up for his absence..I miss him.

Talking about missing, today it's friday which means mandatory fun.  Tony organized a whole party inviting as much people as possible. Which means dressing up. Oh God, what am I going to wear? I guess I have to figure that out too.

I might as well go, I'll write another log whenever I have the chance.

You dropped the pen on the desk and carefully closed the diary, making sure that elastic would protect the pages, and proceeded to hide it again in the usual spot.

As always you took a warm shower, making sure to relax for a while under the tepid stream of water. 

It was around 5pm when you got out, you had time to get ready properly since nobody was supposed to show up before 7. You blow-dried your hair and let them naturally fall over your shoulders, gently framing your face. Then you put on some light make-up to make your e/c pop and you stepped in front of the dresser ready to struggle.