Destined to Lose: The 5th book

Chapter 1: Back Again

Trigger warning: self- harm

I'm stuck in the back of truck the entire drive back to the sanctuary. When they open the doors to get me out I try and attack but am quickly subdued by two of them. They drag me inside and tie my hands behind me to a pole with some rope. Maybe another hour goes by before one returns, cutting the rope with a knife, "let's go."

They walk me to Negan's room and make me stand across from his bed. When he walks in, his eyes light up and a big smile forms on his lips, "I did end up a winner today after all. Hello, darling." I stare him down, unwilling to show fear. Although that's all that's coursing through me. Fear of what happened at home. Fear of what could happen here, "was she frisked yet?"

"Yea, no weapons but there's something on her inner thighs. But with the new protocol, we waited for you." The man who helped bring me in here tells him.

"Out" he orders him pointing to the door but staring at me.

"But the new.." he tries to tell him but Negan gives him a look that says do not make me repeat myself. He nods and leaves.

Negan walks over to me and slowly walks around me, eyeing me from top to bottom. When he returns back to my eyes, standing on the side of me he asks, "what are you hiding, sweetheart?" I continue to just stare at him with a scowl. "Now I know it ain't a gun, that'd be noticeable. But maybe knives? Come on, just tell me now so we don't have to take this any further."

"Bite me" I snarl and spit towards him, my heart pulsing throughout my entire body.

He wipes it away with a whistle off his cheek and smiles again, "hard way it is." He stands in front of me, pushing his body close to mine and his hands land on my jeans.

My heart rate picks up. He told me when I was here he waits for consent before sleeping with his wives. But here I am, not a wife. He unbuttons it and my breath catches in my throat. Only that's all he does and steps back and says, "pull them down." I continue to stare at him, knowing he can hear and see my chest rising quickly. He adds, "you can do it, or I can." I bite my lower lip with rage and jerk my jeans down to my knees. He eyes the bandaged wrappings I have over my thighs and looks back up to me with a quizzical look. "Unwrap it." He demands stepping back, and this time I listen.

I know he's going to want to confirm I'm not hiding any small razors or knives, and I know if I don't do it, he will. After unwrapping the one, I turn my thigh out just a little so he can see the cut marks made as recently as the night he took me, "interesting."

"Need me to show you the other side too, dickwad?" I snark at him, letting the gauze fall to the ground.

"No, that's all. Go ahead and get dressed." He moves to walk behind me to get something. I huff out of annoyance and bend down to pull my pants back up. As I adjust and rebutton them, he says, "you've put me in some pickle here Sadie-baby." I just breath, letting him go on about his predicament, "I offered you a chance to be my wife, to live a good life here, but you ran away. You not only denied my proposal, you left me at the alter." He chuckles at his joke, "so to speak. So now that you're here, what do I do with you?"

"Don't you already have a plan?" I question, feeling like I know exactly what he's going to use me for. His eyebrows raise to question and I say, "use me as leverage."

"Why would I need you? We won today, darling. Didn't you see that as you were being whisked away?" He says.

I remind him, "if that were true, you wouldn't have said you ended up a winner when you first saw me in here. Something didn't go as planned." I decide to try and figure out what happened.

"Damn, you listen real well, don't ya? Alright. Fine," he holds up his hand in a surrender type way, "we didn't get to finish what we went to do. You guys kept a few secrets from us." He sits down on his couch, "which begs the question. What other secrets are you hiding?" I have nothing to say back to him and he must like that because he smiles and says, "I know exactly what to do with you."

"And are you going to fill me in?" I then take a step further to take a seat next to him on the couch.

But he holds up his hand to stop me and stands, "you'll figure it out. Follow me." He then goes to leave his room. I follow him all the way out to a balcony, his people all below. Dwight on one side and Eugene behind him. We share a glance but he looks away quickly, down to the ground. Negan calls out to his people, "so, we are going to war!"

Everyone down below cheers, "yes, sir!"

He turns and smiles at me, "you're going to tell me all your secrets. Every last one. And in return, you'll live a mighty cushionable life here."

He walks back inside and stands right to my ear, "see, I can't put you on the floor, you won't last a day. And I know you're not going to accept another marriage proposal. But if you do something for me, I'll do something for you. And that something for you is let you live. Whatdoyasay Sadie-baby? We got a deal?" I just stare ahead as his chin almost brushes across my cheek. He adds on, "or I can give you a razor and you can finish what you've started. I've noticed the past cuts on the wrist, guess you've moved on to a new canvas."

This grabs my attention and I look to him, hurt and pain coursing through me. This asshole knows I'd never be able to kill myself. He's seen the years worth of scars on my legs now, and he knows. I take one gulp and nod, accepting his deal until I can find another way out of here. He smiles wide and with pride and turns, "Dwight, why don't you set Sadie here up in your room. I know I can't trust her to be by herself just yet."

"Uh, yes sir." He simply nods and grabs my arm, "this way." I follow him with my head down, unsure of my future.