Destined to Lose: The 5th book

Chapter 22: Not a Good Place

Sitting alone in the trailer was hard. I was mad at Daryl for saying I wasn't the same. I was still me, the women he married. I stay up all night trying to figure out what to say to him to make him understand. I'm glad this war is over, and I'm glad no one else had to die. I try to count who I know died and the number shocks me. I knew it was a lot, but over 60 from the start of things is too many. I didn't know all their names, but I can see their faces. On both sides, from all communities. The sun is rising before I know it, so I grab a light jacket and head out to see what Maggie needs help with today. Daryl doesn't come back to the hilltop for 3 days. Each day goes by and I get more and more angry with him for not coming back to talk to me. When he does get back, he walks in the trailer throwing down the bow and grumbles at me, "you still here?"

"Are you serious, Daryl?" I scoff, "is there somewhere else you'd like me to be?"

He shrugs, "can be anywhere you want, just thought you'd be with your friends."

"This is really what you want? You want to push me away?" I challenge.

"I just want Sadie-Mae back, my Sadie. Where she go?" He poses his own question.

I look down and shake my head before answering, looking straight into his eyes, "maybe she went to find her Daryl."

"What's that suppose to mean? I didn't change." He retorts back.

I inform him otherwise, "ya, you did. The first time you went to the sanctuary. Ever since we got out then, you haven't been the same."

"Nah, now you're just trying to spin it." He moves to leave again.

"No!" I yell to him, and he stops. I stand up and make my way to the door, "you don't get to leave this time. If you don't believe me, why don't you go have a talk with Negan and see what he has to say about it."

"Fuck him." I hear Daryl call back to me as I leave the trailer. I make my way towards Barrington house, wanting to tell Maggie that I'm going to head off for Alexandria first thing in the morning.

I make it to Alexandria with no protest from Maggie, or from Daryl. Daryl might not even know. I stay with Tara, Maggie and Jesus in the main house that night and left just before sunrise. When I get to Alexandria, I find Rick and ask him if we could talk. He asks Michonne to watch Judith and we head out onto the balcony, "everything ok?"

I shrug one shoulder, "Daryl and I, we're not really in a good spot right now."

"Hmmm, I see." He rubs his chin, "need my advice?"

"I won't decline it if you're offering." I say back.

He smiles softly and simply says, "give him some time. He'll come around. He always does."

I nod like I'm thankful, but a little disappointed in the advice. I decide to just ask him what I came here to ask, "Can I stay here awhile? I think the two of us might need some space before we can come back together."

"Of course. As long as you want, this is your home." He puts a hand on my shoulder, about to head inside.

I say to him, "I can help out in the infirmary."

Rick turns back to me with a small smirk, "fortunately, there's not much help needed in there these days."

"Then I can help with prison watch." I reply, knowing I could be put on rotation.

He takes a step closer to me again and questions, "you'd do that? Watch Negan a few hours a day?"

I shrug my right shoulder, "I hear he's not talking much. I could use the quiet myself." I say back, "I also hear he's not eating. Maybe I can help. I know in a weird way, he trusts me."

Rick eyes me for a few seconds but eventually agrees, "alright, ya, I'm sure Gabriel and Rosita will appreciate another watcher. I'll let them know and you can take a shift tomorrow at noon."

I thank him and he heads back into his house. Although Daryl and I aren't here together right now, I go back to the house we shared with everyone else to stay. Rosita, Eugene and Siddiq are the only ones in the house, each with their own room. So I set up in the living room. That night goes by slow for me. It feels strange being in this living room with no one else around. It feels weird being in this house without Daryl next to me. I manage to get a few short hours of sleep, and in the morning I walk around the town, trying to see all who's still here. I meet with Rick just before noon outside of the basement jail cell they set Negan up in. Rosita leaves in a hurry, and Rick grumbles, "Gabriel will take the night shift tonight, he'll be by in 10 hours. Someone will come by with food for the both of you and so you can use the bathroom. Any questions?" He asks me.

"Got it, thanks." I say to Rick. I have my eyes trained on Negan, who only turns his head slightly to the side when he heard me. Rick leaves, and I take a seat on the stool outside of the cell. Negan and I sit silently without talking to each other for hours. Eventually, with half an hour left on my shift, I say to him, "you're really not gonna eat?"

"That" he points to the green shake, "isn't food."

I smirk, but remind him, "you can't eat solids yet, this is what you need to eat just for the time being."

Negan responds, voice still low and scratchy, "I'd rather die then drink that shit."

"Well, that does seem to be the other option." I return, and he gives me a small chuckle.

He turns from facing the wall and asks, "so, they put you on jail duty. I gotta tell you, it's boring as shit."

I shrug, "I'm sure I can find some books for you to read." He just nods a little but I add, "and maybe we can pass the time like we used to."

"Yea, maybe." He nods to me, the door opening

I get up and leave without saying anything, as Gabriel walks down the stairs. He stops at the end of the steps and says, "hasn't eaten?"

"Give it a bit, I bet he will." I return, "see you later Father." I say and walk out, going back to the house to get some rest.