Destined to Lose: The 5th book

Chapter 2: Getting Personal

It has been 3 weeks since I've been taken back to the sanctuary. Dwight doesn't stay in his room often. I think he's worried about his wife. After she got Daryl and I out, she got out. I think he's worried that if I'm back here, it's only a matter of time before she is too. He doesn't say much to me, the first night I tried to ask him about what happened. But he turned to me with cold eyes and mumbled, "you open your damn mouth about me coming to Alexandria to anyone, we both end up dead."

Three nights later, after he changes his shoes and goes to leave he quietly says, "there's plans in the works. Hang tight."

I smile while lying down facing the wall, happy Negan put me in here with Dwight. He doesn't know he's helping Alexandria, and he doesn't know how well I can keep a secret. Over those three weeks though, I told Negan things he wanted to hear. How and why Maggie stayed hidden. How the kingdom got to be on our side. But after two weeks, that wasn't enough. He wasn't happy with just talk. I started to give him more information. How many people there were, what was behind the walls, the types of weapons I've seen them use. Another week of useless information. This third week though, Negan wanted to go personal. "How long you and Daryl be together."

Although I want to tell him nothing, I want him to think I'm helping. I want him to keep his focus on me and my information, and not stray towards other ideas. "Daryl and I have had a complicated relationship since the world ended."

"I can assume that, Darlin'. But how long have you been in love?"

"That's a tricky question too. I've loved him a long time now, but it took him a bit longer I think to realize it." I confess, wishing it wasn't this easy to talk to him.

He chuckles, "yea, he really don't like showing his emotions. Unless it's rage, he's good at that one."

I shake my head, "he's good at showing others too. You just have to know him."

"You know, Lucille isn't just the name of my bat." I arch an eyebrow, curious with what he's going to say. He confesses, "Lucille was my wife. Before all this shit happened. The love of my life." He smiles thinking about her.

And I decide to ask, "and what would she think about everything you've done?"

His smile fades and goes serious. He leans in and says, "you remind me of her, you know that? She called me out on my shit, too." He stands up, "annoying ass trait to have" and he leaves the room. I puff out a breath of air, relieved he's gone. I sit in the room until lunch, when Dwight brings me with him to an afternoon meeting.

Negan sits at one end of the table and Gregory sits last at the other. Dwight to his right and they place me to his left. I stare down at Gregory, knowing exactly what kind of man he is. He's the biggest coward I've ever met and I want him to die, maybe even more then Negan. I quickly correct my thought. Reminding myself what Negan did and how he's the true enemy. Gregory is finished thanking and kissing Negan's ass when I pull myself out of my own head to pay attention. Gregory talks calmly, "I know how it is... negotiating the slippery, steep terrain of managing resources and the population and the big, scary U. But you might know, it's called the unknown." No one responds and he decides to continue talking out of his ass, "listen, I-I mean it when I say it -- Negan, I don't like killing people any more than you do."

Negan corrects him, "like killing people." Gregory is stumped and hums out an Oh but Negan explains himself, "I say it's about killing the right people. So, you kill the right people at the right time." He brings his hands together, "everything falls into place. Everybody's happy. Well, some people more than others." He smiles and sits back in his chair a little, his feet already propped up on the table, "but you kill one, and you could be saving hundreds more. And that is what we are all about." He opens his arms "we save people." I scoff and a few people give me a death glare, but Negan ignores it.