Destined to Lose: The 5th book

Chapted 10: Radioed Report

Negan talks the radio and walks away from his men. I follow behind him, he turns to eye me following him as he speaks out, "Ricky. Look at you, callin' me up. You wanna tell me where you are so we can do this face-to-face?"

He doesn't argue me following him so I just stand next to him, waiting for Rick to tell him it's over and they have a way to end this all without anyone else dying. But my hope is crushed when I hear Rick say, "Carl's dead." There's a pause, but the silence is filled with me inhaling harshly with a gasp. Rick goes on, "he wrote letters. He wrote one to you." Tears fall down my face as I look at Negan, who generally looks hurt to hear that Carl is dead. Rick goes on, "he asked you to stop. He asked me to stop." Negan drops his head, and I drop mine, listening to my friend recall his sons final wishes, "he asked us for peace. But it's too late for that. Even if we wanted a deal now, it doesn't matter." He lets the air sit for a moment then comes back on the radio and tells him, "I'm gonna kill you."

Negan ignores his comment and asks him, "how did it happen?"

Rick returns, "What?"

Negan asks, "how did he die? Was it us? Was it the grenades? The fire?"

As soon as Negan clicks off, Rick responds harshly, "It wasn't you. Carl went out to help someone. And he got bit."

Negan finally answers, "God damn it. Shit. I, um... I am sorry. You know, I wanted him to be part of things. I had plans. He... That kid... That kid was the future."

I can tell Negan truly means what he says and I wonder what kind of interactions he had with him outside of the one he had here. Rick continues to threaten Negan, "the only future is one where you're dead."

"What the hell are you doing, Rick?" Negan asks him, "why are you fighting? Why are you making this so hard? Carl is dead because of you. Because you couldn't leave shit well enough alone." I push his arm and mouth stop but he goes on, "I mean, hell, maybe he woulda died some other way. Any one of us can get our ticket punched at any second. but in this case... in this case... he is dead because of you. Because you weren't there to stop him from doing something stupid."

"I know you can't help but be an ass but come on, his son is dead." I push while it's silent, tears still falling over hearing the news.

Negan ignores me and goes on, "you set this course, Rick. Who's next?"

Rick clearly not phased by him replies, "you are."

Negan replies, "no. But someone is. You see, I stop people from dying. I am the answer. Now, it may have taken a hard lesson for you to hear it, but you should hear it now. It's time. Do not let any more of your shit decisions cost you to lose anyone else you love." He pauses for effect, "that garbage. tThat sticks with you. Forever. Just like Carl will." Rick still doesn't answer so he continues, "hell, I'm feeling it. And I'm gonna be feeling it for a while. You could have just let me save all of you. I mean, that's why I killed your friends in the first place. So, you can sit there and you can say that you're gonna kill me, but you won't. You failed. You failed as a leader, and most of all, Rick, you failed as a father." My head turns up drastically when he says that and Negan must know I'm pissed. He stands up as my fists bunch up and finishes his conversation with him, "just give up. Give up, because you have already lost." Rick doesn't respond. The radio goes silent, and Negan looks at me, "I'm not wrong and you know it. Carl is dead because of Rick. He couldn't protect him."

I use all the force I have in me to punch Negan in the face. He barely takes a step back and my fist hurts like hell but I manage to grumble out through the pain, "Rick was and is an amazing father to his kids. I don't know how you get off telling him otherwise but you're one sick fuck!"

I go to storm back to my room but Negan calls back to me, "Carl wouldn't be dead if he was a good father."

I turn back around and argue, "so that makes you a shit husband then, right? Lucille wouldn't be dead if you were a good husband?"

Negan is pissed I'd bring that up and storms over to me, "you know damn well Lucille took care of herself. That wasn't my fault."

"So you were a good husband then?" I ask rhetorically, "I find that hard to believe."

He grabs my arm and pulls me aside, "you know what, I was a shit husband, for a long time. But when she got sick, when she needed me the most, I was there for her. Rick can't say he did that for Carl. And you know what princess, either can Daryl." He throws my arm down and spits, "I suggest you go back to your room and cool off before you make me do something I'm gonna regret."

"Fuck you!" I spit towards him before turning around to walk off.