Destined to Lose: The 5th book

Chapter 36: Friends

"So yea, of course I was tryna figure out a way out. It was my first time outta the cell walls in months. I figured they'd stop the contractions, take me back and I'd get away but then you started bleeding. A lot. And that plan was out the fuckin' window."

"Why?" I question, wanting to believe him but knowing I can't.

"Cause I knew you or the baby or maybe both were in trouble. I knew I couldn't leave ya like that. Dixon wasn't around so I was the next best thing." He says so confidently, but before I could scoff he goes on, "so I stayed. Then you made me promise to tell Dixon you're undying love for him and I told you I would."

"Aren't you a peach?" I spit back. And for a moment I'm taken back to the beginning of this shit world when Daryl said that same thing to me when I came to him on behalf of others. I close my mouth from continuing my sarcastic comments and let him go on.

"You blacked out, but they passed the baby to that Enid girl and I saw her. She looked like you, anyone tell you that?" He asks.

My breath gets caught in my chest when he says it and tears instantly fall from my eyes and stain my cheeks. I shake my head no just a little and he goes on, "that chick froze with her in her arms. But she wasn't breathing, something had to be done. I tried Sadie-baby. I tried to get her to breathe but it was too late. I'm sorry." I can see his eyes start to water as he looks down and tells me this, "I tried."

"You tried to resuscitate Anna?" It comes out in a whisper. He nods once, eyes still on the floor, "thank you" I manage to say, all my ill fillings for him temporarily being pushed aside, "no one told me." We sit quietly with one another for a few more moments before I ask him to continue.

"After the doc was finished with you, he took the baby from me. Told me it was too late and she was stillborn. I'm so sorry."

"Go on" I direct him, not needing to talk about that part right now.

He nods in understanding, "you weren't outta the woods yet they said but Rick was heading back, he was leaving and taking me with him. I tried to argue but you know how Rick the prick can be." He pauses to see if his joke lands but I just stare at him some more, "so on the road, I took my chance with the crash and hauled ass to the sanctuary."

"Daryl said you had time to talk to him and get away. Why didn't you?" I question, remembering what Daryl said to me all those weeks ago.

Negan tilts his head into his shoulder and rotates it, "I made ya a promise. I try and keep my promises."

"But you did. You told him, why not leave?" I ask again.

He pushes his lips together and decides to tell him, "I didn't think he believed me. He thought I hurt you but he just didn't wanna hear about you, the baby, he thought I made it all up. With all the blood on me, he was crazed. Thought I hurt you. He almost killed me but he wanted to be positive I didn't actually hurt you before he did."

"So you stayed to convince him?" I question out loud.

"Somethin' like that." He answers.

"Negan, please." I plead with him to just tell me the whole truth.

"I stayed to make sure someone was gonna' go be wit you when you got up." He stands and walks to the cell door, wrapping his hands on the walls, "And if wasn't gonna be Dixon I woulda made sure it was me." He just stares at me for a few moments before a small smile creeps onto his mouth, "Rick followed my tracks, got me and told Daryl himself what I told him. Daryl left and I came back here with Rick."

"Why do you care so much about me?" I stand and walk closer to the cell. Standing inches from him.

"Cause you're a bad ass, and I'm a sucker for bad asses." He smiles when he tells me that. I just stare at him and he adds, "I like you, and I don't know why either cause even when I had all em wives, my mind was always wanderin' back to you."

"Negan.. I can't.." I go to explain but he stops me.

"I know you're already spoken for. You have you're own Lucille. But I'd be damned if I never got the chance to tell you." He admits, "with them making this cell impossible to get out, I dunno if I'll see ya again." I just stare at him, having nothing to say back at the moment. "Anna, huh?
That's sweet."

"We named her after my sister, Joanna Beth." I say back, still inches from his face. He just smiles a toothless grin back to me and I step closer, touching his hand with mine, "Negan, thank you." I say not even sure what I'm doing. I rest my head against the bars and surprisingly he does the same. Although our foreheads don't touch, we've never been closer. I close my eyes and just savor the closeness I feel to him, "you're uhh, you're a good friend. Thank you."

"No need to thank me sadie-baby." He replies, his breath warm on my skin.

I lift my head to to meet his eyes and he lifts his and we both smile, "If you don't mind, I can come by to hang out a few times a week."

"I'll have to check my schedule. Clear things with my secretary." We both chuckle. Just then the door to the cell jingles as Rosita moves the key in the lock to open the door.

I take one step back from the cell before she walks in, "everything ok?" She asks, eyeing the two of us with her eyebrows creased.

"It's fine." I simply reply with a smirk towards her.

Negan takes it further and relies, "just trying to convince my favorite CO to show me something good. She isn't biting, maybe you will." Rosita snarls at him and moves to take a seat with a scowl, "maybe not." I leave the cell and lock the door behind him, the conversation between Negan and I replaying in my head.

The days turn into weeks, and the weeks turn into months. Daryl and I barely cross paths. With him heading up the sanctuary and me continuing to stay at Alexandria, we only connect out on runs the towns do together. Once every 3 months or so if something good comes up. Although it's painful not being with him, it's more painful when I am. The sorrow I feel for what we lost and can never have eats away at my heart when I'm near him, and I pray the time apart will heal us enough that we can come back together again.