Destined to Lose: The 5th book

Chapter 21: The Argument

That night, Daryl and I lay on the floor in silence. There's more space now that all of the communities are open and everyone went back to where they wanted to call home. Except us. Daryl and I haven't agreed on where we want to call home. We decided to table the conversation until after we talked about what happened. Or what didn't happen. As we lay there, naked under a blanket, I know the time of pretending is over, and we need to face what went down, "Daryl, what was the original plan to take out Negan?"

He stops brushing through my hair with his fingers and looks down at me, "surround the place, make the saviors turn on him and agree to do things our way."

I nod, understanding the first part of the play, I then ask, "and was that you who drove the garbage truck into the wall."

Daryl moves himself out form under me and hums out a, "mmmm" telling me it was.

Although I don't want to ask, I have to, "alright. You crashed the wall, the dead got in, I'm guessing you were hoping they would take out Negan."

"Somethin' like that. We didn't think he'd get out like he did." He informs me, pulling his pants up to get dressed, "and then he got to Alexandria, tried to blow us all to hell."

"After you blew a hole in their home and got a bunch of innocent people—"

"No, he brought this onto himself. You don't get to guilt me." He stops me from going on, putting his vest on over his shirt.

I stand up from under the sheet and it drops to the ground, I grab my clothes and question, "was there even a plan to get me back? Rick told me you thought I accepted being his wife, did you really believe that?"

He shrugs one shoulder, looking away as I get dressed, "he didn't try to make no deal wit ya, what was I suppose to think?"

"You were suppose to think of ways to get me home. To get me back to you!" My voice raises and I yell at him, "you were suppose to remember that I love you!"

"Ya, and yew know what else I remembered?" He asks rhetorically, not even giving me a chance to look back at him, "how long you've been tellin' me you could handle yourself, take care of yourself. So I trusted in that. I put my faith in you, taking care of yourself. And look at that, it worked! You got yourself a new best friend."

"Oh, bite me, Daryl!" I spit at his verbal attack of trying to guilt me, "I did what I had to do to get back to you. That's it. You did what you had to do to kill Negan. Not to get me back. So you're damn right I took care of myself, because somebody had to."

Daryl gets real close to my face, and grumbles in what he thinks is a whisper, "I've done nothin' but try and be good enough for yew Sadie. So why don't we stop pussyfootin' around and why don't you tell me what really happened between the two of ya?"

"Nothing more happened between us then what happened last time." I tell him honestly, not wanting him to think I'm hiding anything from him.

"So yews kissed again?" He questions, hands moving into a fist.

"No. He kissed me, I stopped it. That's it." I breathe out calmly.

He punches the wall and it dents, "and I'm suppose to believe you're just friends?"

I nod, walking over to him. I put my hand on his arm but he swipes it away. I move to replace it back on his arm and tell him, "yes. You wanna know what I did in order to get myself out of there, Daryl?" He gives me a skeptical look and I shake my head, "nothing like that. All I did, was talk to him. That's it."

"Talk?" He asks, arms still right with rage.

I nod and confirm, "he told me about his wife, I told him about Joanna-Beth. We talked. We got to know each other a little bit."

"So now he gets a pass?" He grumbles back, "because you shared some secrets, everything he's done to us, to Rosita, to Maggie, is forgiven?"

"No, it's not. But it doesn't mean it needs to continue. He's going to rot in a prison, Daryl. Why does he need to die? Why do more and more people need to die?"

"Wait, you're back on that shit again?" He spits.

I get mad at the way he words it, "Daryl, it's not shit! Every life has meaning. Every life can be useful, you just have to know where to look and how to reach it."

"That's bullshit and you know it!" He yells back at me.

"Do I? Because I decided to treat Negan like a human, instead of an enemy, he was bringing me back to the hilltop. I wasn't in that car by accident, he wasn't bringing me here to show me off or make a trade. He was letting me go, bringing me back home, bringing me back to you."

"And poisoning us with walker blood. What about all those people he killed, huh? That don't matter?" He poses the question.

I shake my head, "of course it matters, it's like I said, every life matters."

"I can't.. I can't do this right now!" Daryl heads to the door.

"So you're just gonna run away because you aren't hearing what you want to hear?" I call to him.

He turns to look at me, "sure, call it running away. But I'm not doing this. You, you aren't the same Sadie that I married." He's pointing at me, "why don't you let me know when you find her again." Daryl storms out of the trailer and I'm left standing there wondering if Daryl just left me for good.