Destined to Lose: The 5th book

Chapter 26: Ultrasounds all Around

The next day I go back to the infirmary to return the book. I tell Siddiq that I want to keep the baby, and him and I make a plan to go to the hilltop together on his next visit. Siddiq has been training Enid in some medical areas and he goes every few weeks to check in on Maggie and the baby. He tells me we can use the ultrasound machine to get a due date and confirm a heartbeat. Although I don't want anyone else to know, I know I need to tell Rick. After a town meeting a few days later, I ask Rick if I can talk to him for a moment. He waits for everyone to leave and gestures for me to sit across from him in a pew, "so, I need to go to the hilltop with Siddiq on his next trip."

"Yea, that's fine. We have another person joining prison watch, the three of you put in a lot of hours. Rosita wants to venture back out too."

I nod and give him a thankful smile, "thanks but I need to tell you why." He adjusts his seat a bit, catching my serious tone. "I'm uhhh, I'm pregnant." He smiles wide after I say it and goes to congratulate me, but pauses when he's halfway standing.

He hesitates when he asks, "it's uhh- it is Daryl's, right?"

"Of course it is, whose else's would it be?" I pushed, annoyed and offended he'd think other wise.

He shakes his head and stands up fully, "sorry, sorry. We never fully talked either about your time at the sanctuary. I just wanted to make sure." I stand as he gets next to me and accept the hug he is offering, "congratulations."

"Yea, thanks I guess. But there's more." I say as his arms are wrapped around me.

He breaks from the hug and looks to me. He keeps my gaze for a few moments before moving back to the seat, "what is it?"

"Daryl and I aren't together. I'm not sure how to even tell him about this." I confide.

He suggests, "you just tell him, I know he'll do the right thing."

I remind him, "Daryl doesn't want a baby. Daryl doesn't want me."

"Sadie.." Rick goes to protest.

I shake my head and interrupt him before continuing, "no, Im just letting you know, as a friend who's been there for me from the beginning. But I'd like to keep this on the down low. If and when I decide to tell Daryl, I want to be the one to tell him."

Rick thinks about it, but agrees, "and that's your right. I won't tell anyone your news. But keeping it a secret, you think that's going to be easy?"

I shrug as I stand up to leave, "it's almost winter, I'm sure I can hide it behind sweaters and jackets."

Rick smiles and takes my hand, "you got it, and congratulations again. I'm so happy to see this town become what we're trying to make it."

"Thanks" I half smile, still not ready to celebrate this next journey.

Four days later, Saddiq and I make it to the hilltop. We tell them some bogus story that I'm keeping myself updated and fresh with the medical side of things in case I ever need to help out. Everyone buys it, and I hang around as he does an ultrasound for Maggie. Shes 6 months pregnant, and I'm in awe watching the process of the exam. At the end of it, Maggie must catch my facial expression and smiles, "he kicks a lot, wanna feel?"

I shake my head and decline but Saddiq speaks up, "go ahead, it's so freaky but cool."

"Saddiq, really? That's my baby you're calling freaky!" She jokingly returns, "and it's not freaky, it's beautiful."

She rubs her stomach, looking over to me. I shake my head again, "no, I'm good. Ultrasounds were never something I worked with when I temped, so I'm just interested."

Saddiq knows what I'm trying to set up, so he says to Maggie, "any questions? Everything looks as good as can be."

"I'm good, thanks for coming. I'll see you in another 4 weeks?" She asks, moving to lower her shirt.

He smiles and nods and moves to leave. She stops at the door and adds, "Sadie, it's great to see you. You know you can come by anytime?"

"Yea, I know. Thank you" I smile softly, missing being her friend. She gives me one nod and leaves, and I shut the door to the room once I hear her shut the door to another room, "so what, I just lay here and you rub that wand and we see it?"

"For you? Yes, that's it." He gesture to the bed. I take a seat, and lay back. I lift up my stomach and he puts some gel on it. I wiggle slightly at the cold feeling and wait. I wait for what feels like forever. Saddiq must feel my anxiety and says, "I'm new to ultrasounds. Your baby is much smaller then Maggie's so hang tight."

I try and breathe through my feelings but not much more time goes by before I hear the quick heartbeat of my baby, "that's it, that's the heartbeat?" I ask wanting to look at the screen.

"Yea, and it sounds perfect. Sit tight for just a few measurements and we'll be finished." He keeps his eyes trained on the screen. A few minutes goes by, and Saddiq removes the wand. He passes me a towel and I wipe the gel off my stomach and wait. He says, "I have to print Maggie's photo first and then yours after. But from what it's saying, your due date is January 27th. I exhale sharply, everything solidifying in reality. I sit quietly as Siddiq works to get the photos printed. When he's finally done, he hands me mine and says, "I'm gonna go give this to Maggie. I'll catch you at dinner." And he leaves me be. I stare at the little 10 week old baby on the photo and know there's no way I can turn back now. I know Daryl and I aren't going to be perfect parents, maybe we don't have to be parents at all, but this baby is a sign that good things are going to happen.