Destined to Lose: The 5th book

Chapter 18: A New Final Plan

A/N: trigger warning: self-harm

When it's over, I go around to make sure any of the men they just killed are actually dead and not to come back later as a walker. Rick and Morgan are off to the side having a conversation, but I'm too pissed and sad to be around for it. Instead I just sit behind the bar and wait, wishing I never came along with him. I don't know what I was thinking, why I thought he would try and bring them back to the hilltop. That's not what he wants, he wants revenge, on any one he can take it on. The walk back to the truck is silent, as is the car ride back to the hilltop. When we get back, we all go in separate directions. I head straight to the trailer to get a change of clothes so I can change out of all this death. I half expect to see Daryl inside, pissed off and waiting for me. I'm not completely shocked when he's not there. After my shower, I open the same mirror cabinet I got the razor from last time and am relieved when I see a razor. I remove my towel as I sit on the floor. I don't hesitate when I start cutting my left leg, but after, as the blood drips down, negan's words echo through my head, "You ain't the only one in this world without control, darling. Look around you." I drop the razor before cutting the other leg, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of hurting myself when he knew from the start why I was doing it. I hold some gauze against the cut to stop the bleeding. When it's done I get dressed and head back to the trailer to get some sleep.

Daryl gets back the next morning. Him and Rosita went out to get Eugene, but he got away. After he wipes his face off with a bandana, I ask him, "did you see Gabriel?"

"Gabriel's with Eugene?" He questions, answering mine.

I nod, "he got real sick, tried to get away but they got him and assigned him to help Eugene." I explain what I know.

He asks with annoyance, "and you just tellin' this to me now?"

I shrug one shoulder and reply, "you didn't wanna talk about it."

He bites his lower lip and nods a bunch of times. Eventually, he says, "we're gonna need to talk, huh?"

"Ya, I think so." I reply lowly.

"Iight, tomorrow then. First thing." He sets a time, making my heart hurt. I don't know why he can't just talk to me now, why he has to schedule it. But I nod in agreement and he starts to head to the door, "I'll be back in a bit." Hours later and Gregory shows his face at the gate of Alexandria. Maggie, at the ready to kill him, hesitates when he tells us he knows what the saviors are planning.

He brought a map, from Dwight, and is asking for asylum for helping. Maggie takes the map, calls a meeting, and stick him in the outdoor jail he recently ran away from.

Rick and Maggie talk the most, talking about what they see as Negan's play and how we can take control of it and finish him. Daryl, Michonne, Rosita, Jesus, Carol, And I occasionally add our thoughts and input, but it's mostly them. When it seems the plan is in place, Daryl wraps it up for everyone, and points down on the map, "all right. We'll stick to this road, keep to the trees, we'll get there quicker. Plus, we can keep an eye on the road that way."

I stand up from looking at the map and agree, "yeah, if they're planning anything, we'll see it."

Michonne asks, "you think you can trust Gregory? What he told us?"

Maggie answers, "I locked him up inside the house. He knew I wouldn't let him walk around free. He knew he was coming back to that. He doesn't believe in anything except himself, and he'd have to believe in the Saviors a whole lot to send us into a trap and think it would work out for him."

"Unless Dwight didn't tell him. That asshole could be setting us up." Daryl speaks out against him.

I shake my head, "I don't think so."

But no one really cares to respond as everyone's attention is caught by Morgan, who is walking towards the front gate with determination and purpose. Everyone slowly falls behind him, wondering what the concern is. As the doors open, and the old saviors begin walking on, Morgan lifts his weapon to attack. Before any one of us can stop him, little Henry slaps the stick from behind and Morgan reacts. Henry is on the ground, but Morgan comes out of whatever trance he was in. "Morgan, what is it?" Rick asks him.

Morgan answers, wiping some sweat from his brow, "they were, uh... They were gone... him. They were coming in."

The man I've learned as Alden replies, "I asked Maggie if we could clear the walkers from the wall. We... drew them away so we wouldn't have to worry about 'em when we rolled out."

Maggie's confirms his story, "he did."

Rick yells, getting everyone's attention, "let's keep gettin' ready, everyone. First team's going in 20."

Daryl grabs my arm to get my attention and whispers, "hey, come wit me." I nod and follow him back to the trailer.