Destined to Lose: The 5th book

Chapter 31: Negan in the Dark

A/N: Trigger warning: child loss.

Siddiq gives us the green light to go bury our daughter as long as I'm not out of the infirmary for long. Daryl wheels me through the dirt paths to the back where the graves are. I barely make it back there before I already start to lose it. No one knew if the baby being still born would mean it would come back or not. Rick did what he thought he had to do to make sure that didn't happen before he left with Negan. I didn't get to hold my child before, I didn't want to after. It was too hard. They gave me an old newspaper they stamped her little hands and feet on with my blood for remembrance. Maggie was at the burial but she couldn't stay long, leaving after a few minutes with tears in her eyes. Everyone there for the most part was emotional over the loss. It wasn't a loss anyone expected but it was the loss of a baby, which hurts no matter the circumstance. After, Daryl wheels me back to the infirmary and helps me back into the bed, "yanno, we could've raised one helleva ass kicker together." Daryl smiles the smallest smile at me.

And instead of arguing with him, or getting emotional, I say "yea, Anna would've been one bad ass, alright." He nods and smiles, and I grab his attention, "hey, daryl?" He looks to me, "thanks for letting me name her after my sister."

He rubs his hand over my hand, "I wouldn't have wanted it any other way."

I nod and smile again to him, and the two of us sit in comfortable silence for a while. The silence lasts until Maggie comes in a few hours later. She hovers by the door, and I have to push what she wants to say out of her, "come on, just say it."

"I'm real sorry for what happened. I really can't imagine the pain you're going through right now but I have to talk to you about Negan."

"Negan? Why? He's back at Alexandria, isn't he?" I look to Daryl and Maggie for confirmation.

She nods, taking a few steps inside, "yes but if you ever bring him back here, I'm going to kill him. I won't let him get another chance to escape."

"Escape? What are you talking about?" I question, knowing nothing about this.

Did Negan use me almost dying, me losing my child in order to try and escape? My head spins a little as I think. Maggie says, "he tried to get away, they got him at the sanctuary."

Daryl pulls me from my thoughts, and says, "he gets a one time pass for helping you, but it doesn't make it all square."

Maggie adds, "I just wanted to let you know. You're welcome here anytime to visit Anna, but I need to know you won't stand in my way when the time comes to finish him."

"What are you talking about? He's going to rot in a prison the rest of his life." I remind her.

"Yea, we'll see." And with that she leaves.

"Do you know what happened with him? After everything here?" I ask Daryl. He bites his lower lip, but nods to tell me he does. I have to ask, "what happened? How did he get away."

"He uhh, he crashed the truck on the road with Rick and Michonne on the way back to Alexandria. Made it all the way to the sanctuary." He informs me.

"The sanctuary? Was he trying to take it back?" I question, trying to figure this out. He runs his tongue over his teeth and I know he's thinking of something, "what is it?" I push.

He runs his head back and forth over his shoulders before saying, "he got caught cause he was talkin' to me. He had plenty chances to get away. I uhh, I don't know. It was weird."

"What was he talking to you about?" I ask him.

He remembers and tells me, "that you were hurt. That I was stupid and I had to come see you. I was so ready to pull that trigger, to end him, but I saw all the blood, I figured he did something to you. I couldn't tell if he was lying or not."

"He wasn't lying." I make sure to remind him.

"Yea, he said you might be dying. And he was right, you almost did. How'd he end up here anyway? Why him?" He asks me.

I sigh and close my eyes. When I open them, I try and explain, "I was on night shift watching him. The pain and the contractions came on too quick. I couldn't walk, yet alone make it up stairs outta the basement cell. I didn't know what was wrong. He carried me out into the street, but I made him handcuff himself to me so he couldn't get away. I know you think I have a soft spot for him, but it's not for him." I change the subject a little, "it's for life, in general. I'm totally okay with him rotting in a prison, I just don't want to see anyone else die."

He nods his head as if he agrees but sighs out, "some people don't get to stay livin, after what they did."

"We did some shit too, Daryl. Remember that." I remind him, and he looks away.