Don'ts Of An Arranged Marriage

22. Don't Be Easy

LEE

Nothing appears to faze me from sulking. Every morning I wake up in my hometown with a sense of alienation. As if I didn't belong to both the worlds, I seem to be losing my cause along with my sanity. And I only have to thank myself for that- at twenty-two I was a hopeless cause. So I ditched the day's office schedule and walked out from a meeting, not that I had any clue as to what was being presented to me. A workaholic father, monotonous staffs, and robotic application of trust on me wasn't something I had in mind when I agreed to let it come my way.

Sipping on the bitter coffee at a book café nearby I frowned at the avid readers, this place was more depressing than the office- but since drinks were good I let it slide. But as minutes passed with me suckling on the straw with further observation netting my way- I skipped my gaze to each desk where most of them seem to have their nose buried inside one particular book with black and orange spine, the title that I squint to read was futile but it was embossed in lavish calligraphy. I could make that one out.

I would be lying if I hadn't come across the book before, this café has been my go-to since a month- My socializing skills had been declining profusely because of how choppy my Korean has become after having spent most of my growth years in states, most of the time I miss on the honorifics which doesn't end well with the elders. I also at times mix up the languages and fail to use the apt term across. Since this café was basically a book store camouflaged as a food hub, it provided me the silence and peace I craved so diligently.

I have seen the peculiar book circulating countless wise- with it I also witnessed the changing colors on the said reader's faces. It resembled of a war flashback, it was entertaining to see how serious they were about a stupid book. How moving could it be? No matter what it is- it still was fiction. I wouldn't know because I have never been one to find out. But today- I found myself hovering over the racks of this glassy library in search for the copy-

I found none.

They were all gone - sold like a hot cake. My curiosity twisted me into coercing a nerdy high schooler into handing me over the paperback he had- for thrice the price of a hardcopy. Luckily the student was greedy, so I came back to my cosy corner to discover what the literary commotion was all about, but before I flipped it open my gaze fell upon the name of the author, strangely not the title- but the author.

Elixir.

My first instinct was to realize how stunning the name was- the serum for eternal life. With such positivity radiating from a writer's name, I dived into the introduction. Reading the opening-

It was nothing like I had imagined.

There is nothing ever more pacifying than waking up to a morning of assassination-

And from that line to the nine at night- I had digested half of the crazy world in there. I got out when I was told the café was closing in for the day. I stayed up the night and googled upon the next in series by the dawn.

I growled In agony when the stats informed placidly that it will take a year more. I re-read the book thrice during the period, each time I did so, I discovered the unconditional depth and symbolism it withheld. It was a work of genius, though I won't admit It was the female lead with her insecurities and social phobias that had me. She was beautifully crafted into a character to be brave inside but a calculated explosion out. Inara was my first fictional crush at the age of twenty-three-

Pathetic- but nobody will ever know.

And it was because of her I came to recognize of the struggles that comes with a specific disorder. Soon I found myself trying to control my anger towards the vulnerable staff who I suspected of retaining low self-esteem. I always saw the little part of Inara in them. But never the entire.