Don'ts Of An Arranged Marriage

36. Do Cry Out

LEE

Her beauty enough was capable of distracting me despite the dire tension that lurked by the corners of my heart. I found out that my survival depends on hers. That laugh of hers, they mold my sanity. If anything was to ever happened to her, I would live for the sake of its responsibility. When I spotted her after my conversation with the surgeons I stayed cemented by the doorway. The dull cotton gown was sized large on her thinning frame, her skin shone with her smile the second her brother hugged her. Whatever the differences he had carried came to an end last night when I got these two to interact in a safe zone where Hwan wasn't screaming at her and she wasn't dissing him out for being the impolite younger brother.

She gets intensely feisty when she speaks her home tongue. And for the sake of Hwan and his pride-

I had to make them reconcile. Especially when she described her relationship with him.

"He was the only person who treated me without a care. I was normal for him- I can't bear him look at me the other way"

Two hours prior to the surgery, the room sluggishly started to host the visitors. Her parents were the worst of all-they seem to have doubled in age while Shin kept her stance strong through it. I had chanced to distract myself with everything I possibly could- I didn't seem to occur in the moment. Because when she had hugged me and I had ensured her with the practiced promise to endure for her- I couldn't memorize her voice.

I know that she spoke of how much she can't wait to come back, the crack of it and the trembling whisper of her love for me. Too numb to mean it then I had kissed her- the words I could comprehend died in my mind. My tongue parched and my throat constricted- my heart that went into frenzy and my body that seem to have stoned itself seems to work as two different commodities.

Childishly I fist my hands to savor her touch that she left on them right before they wheeled her through the theatre. She had closed her eyes then, I wonder what she thought of. I despise what I can't seem to fathom now.

My denial was stark. Stubborn and aggressive.

Hwan sat beside me in silence, unlike me- his jittering legs kept restlessly tapping against the floor. His focus seems to hauntingly reach for the panels through which they took his sister. When he finally addressed her- I wish he hadn't.

"She gave me the keys to her car" he spat, licking his lips. "She said that they will take her license away because after this surgery she'll be deemed unfit for the activity"

He scratched his thumb against the leather cover of the ignition key, he looked sick at what else she could have implied.

"She also said that she will kill me if I got very much of a chip on it" he lets out a humorless chuckle, his eyes brims with hot tears when he looks up. I couldn't look away despite it being my first urge- I cannot because he mirrored every emotion that ate me. Everything that I craved to let go.

"Sounds like her" I force out with a nod, passing the bottle of water that Edmund had brought me before he left for the cafeteria to grab some food with Shin's parents. Hwan seems to have inherited her subtle features- not prominent, but a critical look and I saw the bridge of her nose and small ears that they seem to share along with the color of their eyes.

He chugs the water down and exhales, the tension in his neck dilutes as he smiles at me.

"She also told me to take care of you if she takes a long time to recover"

"That also sounds like her"

With little to no time spent with this boy in person except when we log in as a multiplayer, apart from that the silhouette of his existence is only mapped in my head by the times when shin had brought him up. complaints, debates, and good laughs are what we had shared around his name. Shin and I had this in common, we had people who had our back- but seldom a permanence with them, the only forever with a person I seem to have thought of was after I fell in love with her.

"Thanks for taking care of her. she is the happiest when she Is with you" He honesty only puts me in a new low. But with the desperation he seem to latch this conversation- I know he was trying to forget what might be happening inside as we conversed. Even if it's for a little while.

"And she is the craziest when with you"

I wished we could talk more, but when time escalates we drown further into an unsaid apprehension.

I can't even seem to recall the last few days with her. Unable to remember even the events of last night or the day before or even the week to it as I sat there sunken and bitter. It soared, when the doctors walked out they presented me with their professional results. From somewhere far I heard a low sob erupt from Mrs. Han. A hand- who I suspect was Edmunds placed by my shoulder. Hwan clutched those darn keys tighter with an angry scowl.

When I sensed Edmund following my movements- I gently pushed him away with my arm.

"I want to be alone for a while" I don't sound like me. I wasn't me.

He respects me and nods, the sadness that lines his face till he walks away etches within me- and soon everything comes back in sight. The night when I first saw her, the said naïve and platonic wedding, our first kiss, the silly nose scrunch she does when she is offended, her wild hair when she wakes up, those savage takes on Fischer, her timid shyness when she realizes her slip, her mornings, her nights- the friendship and promises. They all come back.

Even the memory of her last night that I had buried, the one which seem to have taken everything along with it.

She had asked me to move on if something goes wrong.

"Promise me that you will find love and happiness"

I slip into my car and close the door shut- I think I had refused to answer her. But then the tears in those big brown eyes had held me captive as I had lied my last promise to her, a lie before she decided to rest. A long slumber that no one knows an end of-

I lied to her- I agreed I will move on if things go wrong.

I won't. I cannot.

I will wait. Days, weeks, months, or years. No matter how long she takes- I'll wait- It wasn't a time I bargained to stay alone and weep my loss. The fact that she was alive and asleep was what keeping me cruelly sane. She will wake up, she has to.

I smile while I cry.

I hate my fate for doing this to me- but Ironically I thank it for not taking her away from me. It was maniacal- but it was enough. This was enough- for now.

Who am I kidding- I have been breaking into pieces every single day with dread this month, tonight I seem to have shattered beyond repair.

But still- it was enough.

But still I hope.

Next chapter is the last and after that It the epilogue. Thanks for being patient with me 😇