Don'ts Of An Arranged Marriage

31. Don't Mind Me

SHIN

It was sour luck. To find a public restroom with a lock on its main door. I found one- my fingers kept tearing sheets after sheets of tissues from a roll mounted to the wall. My hands tremble when I mashed it firmly against my nose. But the cycle seems to be the most spontaneous one so far. My anxiety shot up at the view of stained tissues bunching up in the dry marble sink of the venue. The music from the after-party of the runway show I attended and participated in could be heard without a miss.

I scoff and laugh at the same time, the word participated and the runway coming off in one sentence boosts my sarcastic mirth. I cough when the metallic taste of blood slickly stimulates my tongue. And before I know, a thin trail of blood trails by the corner of my lip.

It began to feel like a punishment. For one good thing that happened today to remind me of why I shouldn't be living in an illusion. When sera offered Edmund and I with the incredible idea of a spring collaboration with a style inspired by the book and using it as a stage to cast the official announcement for the movie- there wasn't any objection to it. But when she offered me to be the stopper of the show with her- I couldn't move a muscle in my body.

I thought she was joking.

She wasn't.

The one mystery that always came with the Kim siblings is their mode of comic. You don't know when they switch- a second they joke, the other they don't.

"I know a good walk when I see one. The command you have over your heels- I envy them"

But envious was her faith in me that got me into the ramp. The eyes on me would have been spears on skin if it wasn't for sera who sneakily mumbled when were getting our makeup done.

A stroke of peach blush on my cheek-

"Lee is among the audience"

I pale under the layer of foundation.

"He won't miss this for anything. That's so sweet"

It's not sweet, anything else but. Not when we haven't had a proper conversation in weeks, he either doesn't look my way or doesn't stay in the city so our paths aren't crossed. Scratch that- he doesn't even let our paths to intersect, let alone walk together in the same lane. So when I faced the crowd, I selfishly wished for his absence. If he was planning on letting me fend for myself- I might as well not depend on him. But to rejoice the last of my wishes without him was curdling my insides.

It was unnatural to be on the other side of his monotonous stare when I was ready to risk it all for him. I don't want to hide anymore. For once I wanted to throw myself into his arm and cry my heart out. Let my tears speak the pain I can't fathom myself. I want to tell him everything.

But wasn't to be heard a chore too- I can't bind a person that kept slipping away farther with days. All I could do was wait till I can't-

I thought of my family. Mom and her smile, Dad her his charms, Hwan and the boy he is today. Stupid, but with the right amount to go with. He is splendid when it comes to studies, his academic growth was a genetic gift from Mom. He might follow in her footsteps someday. Become a doctor- carry the legacy. But now I cannot take him seriously, but again- he is the first person that came to my mind. He was there by the shadows backstage- with a fruit bar and water. Asking me to not embarrass him by fainting or tripping. He was gruelingly concerned, fixing his emotions with occasional jabs.

I had pulled him into a hug, he was getting taller and taller by the day. But with the heels I had on, he only stood inch more-

"Thank you"