Don'ts Of An Arranged Marriage

34. Do have faith

SHIN

I had time.

It's what I was told. Hoped. Wished and prayed on.

I thought I had it. A year maybe. More even.

It's when I had stamped on, finalizing my deal with a man I barely knew. An angelic face with a skeptical frown, cautious but comical when need be. Stanger then, but a silhouette that embraces my happiness now. He was no one back then, but today he was everything that I wanted to live for.

I thought I had the f-king time.

Dreams that came and went, in them, I was aware of it, receptive of it being an illusion. A series of a blurry mess, they were half-conscious and mostly sedated. I know they were dreams. I saw my family, my dog, my fish- the warm cup of genuine chocolate drink that I love so much from Gangnam clutched between my hands, the pleasant smile of my brother as a kid while we made sandcastles by the shore- it was the only time we got along with respect.

Even in fantasies, my breath slows down when I see him. This wasn't a dream- it was a memory from a night. It was the day before we had our first fight on the island. He had his head rested on top of my belly as he read his favorite parts from the book. My book.

Though his face was hidden by copy, the soft enthusiasm in his tone was almost as if he was reading it for the first time.

"I can never get over this," he says as I play with his hair, they were so smooth in touch. almost like silk. I would be envious if mine weren't better than him.

"Really? If I told you what inspired me to write that- you won't be able to see It the same way again" chuckling I watch him peek through the top of the binder, his eyes getting big and curious. Then he shakes his head. The very copy that he had forced me to sign for him in three different colors in his clutch. It wasn't a new edition, in fact, it was the special one- it even was worn out at the edges. It was his copy.

And he was a fan .

You could see it from the way he seem to realize in intervals that I was the person behind the characters he treats as his own. He blinks at me before accusing me of homicide. Then he expresses his wonder at how I gave birth to so many different characters while still being so young. He was convinced that I had a hidden serial killer in me. And also a passionate lover – a maniac scholar or a short-tempered blacksmith.

He loved Shin. But with Elixir. He was an avid negotiator. Didn't hold back from criticizing or praising what fascinates him. Which was a lot.

"I don't think I want to ruin the emotions it carries by asking you" there was a pause, and then "can I ask you something else?"

"Go ahead. It's not like you'll pass if I deny"

"You know me too well by now" he laughs. I lift one of my shoulders in a proud shrug.

"Why Elixir?"

It caught me off guard. Especially when he dropped the book beside me and rolled to the side, Spanning his entire attention on me. All the lies I know I was capable of constructing died inside when I saw the earnest manner with which he regarded me. I went with the truth.

"The idea of long life use to fascinate me"

His brows pinched in disbelief.

"Used to? What about at present?"

I couldn't help the smile on me. Mimicking his position I cup my face with my elbows digging on the mattress.

"I think it lost its focus to a man who seems to give meaning to my whole life in just few moments"