Random Poetry Collection

*Guiltiness*

They come in flashes
It becomes your present reality
But not like how they portray in the movies
You do feel all the feelings all over again
Each facial movement the same
Your memory clashes with your actuality
You cringe so hard
All you want to give are apologies
You wish you could actually physically go back to then
So you wouldn't hate yourself now
So you wouldn't seem the dick, or fool, or whatever you may be
But wishes aren't life
You can't go back as you please
You can't put yourself at ease
Give yourself a peace of mind
You're stuck
Stuck with all those moments
Those horrible, terrible moments you can't erase
Unless you accept and move on, they'll eat you alive
You make mistakes-it's a part of life, you know
Your mistakes build character, and all that cliche stuff
It's what makes you tough, or so it's supposed to do
All I feel is like I'm going in circles
I yearn for a redo button,
but that'd be an impossible miracle
I need radical acceptance
I need to let go of it all
So hands in the air, and on my knees I will crawl
Maybe then I'll look in the mirror and not only see my regrets and unrealistic dreams
Idk-I'm a little bit off today
I have to say goodbye to someone
I don't know who they are anymore
The reflection is kind of foggy
So I'll go for a run to clear my head
But then the flashes pay a visit
Fills me with embarassment and dread
Takes all my vision
WIth explicit detail
I cannot seem to come to grip the truth
I screwed up, and that is that
No ifs, ors, ands, or buts,
No althoughs,
I feel like I lost my sense of humor
Everything I do seems to be dark and gloom
Part of me wishes they could see into my mind, just for a moment, so they'll know
Understand
My regrets-they won't understand anything else up in there, but that's all I need for them to know
I wouldn't have to say anything, or demonstrate with a little show
I don't want this as an opportunity to grow
Everybody wants change
But nobody wants to change though
We want to believe in magic
But live with eyes closed
It's easier that way
Just take it day by day with walls blocking your path ahead, so you don't know what's next
Give yourself the ultimate test
See how much you can take
The guiltiness and burdening will weigh you down
How strong am I?
Only one way to find out
Or I can accept and forgive myself
Forget it happened entirely
But that's just like asking for help-it's just not really my thing
I think I need to grow in maturity
Grow some balls and face it
Because I'm the only one who suffers with the crap I do,
Nobody, though, needs to
Looking in the mirror, I look and point at you
And whisper-you are doing your best, and that's all you need to do.
Man up and continue to do so
Don't stop now.
Bc idk how
How far we'll plummet if you let go of your safety raft
That ocean is dark and deep, my friend
Not something you want to fall into
Not how you want this to end
Trust me.