The Fence

Chapter 38: Truth

"Ky!" I squeal as I spread my arms out to hug him. Ky's brow furrows a bit, but he reluctantly lets me wrap my arms around his neck.

"I thought you didn't want to see me," Ky mutters. He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, before folding his hands in his lap.

"Of course I want to see you," I whisper. I avert my gaze to the floor. "I didn't know what to say. It was embarrassing..."

"What was?"

My eyes snap back up to his face. Did he not know about the panic attack he gave me? I stare at his black eye, the bruise distracting me momentarily. "About my..." I trail off. "My panic attack."

"What?!" Ky snaps. His eyes look furious. I shrink down a bit, my brother looking menacing for the first time. "When?!"

"I've had a few...actually..." I murmur, taken aback by the fact that he didn't know. "But the worst was the last day you saw me."

"A few? Why hasn't anyone told me?!" Ky exclaims. His eyes burn with anger, and it's the angriest I've ever seen him. "I thought you didn't want to see me because we were fighting..."

"N-no, that's not it. When you slammed the door on your way out, it kinda set of a gun off in my head. I had a panic attack. Since then, I've had a few more. Two days ago, I came to my senses, though. I want to ask you something."

"I'm so sorry, Bena," Ky whispers, his voice catching a bit. "I didn't know that."

"It's okay," I reply. I force myself to smile despite the mood the conversation had set. "But may I ask you something?" I repeat.

"Sure..."

"Is the reason you've been so angry lately because I'm always in danger?" I ask.

Ky stares at me for a second, debating his answer. "Well, yeah," he finally responds. "I didn't trust Grey, but you blew me off about him. Luci almost killed you, and when I was there, you told me you were just going to let it go. And not only that, become his friend! The whole time I was worried sick about you. You stopped telling me things. I didn't know what to do because of it. You were separating yourself from me, and it scared me. Of course when I finally snapped at you, it came out all wrong and the next conversation we have is me crying over your almost dead body. I prayed so much, but God didn't tell me what to do. So eventually I just...gave up trying to reach you."

It's my turn. I never expected Ky to be so open about it, but it is obviously confusing him. For a while now, he wasn't being himself. It was because of me, and his worry of something happening to me. I'm about to reply when he interrupts me.

"And I know you said you'd be fine, but look where we are," Ky murmurs. "In the infirmary. Again."

I get up to hug him again, and Ky lets me with no hesitation. "You're right, baby bro," I whisper. "I'll be more careful."

"You say that," Ky mutters as he pulls out of the embrace. "But you're you, and you can't change that easily. You've always been outgoing and confident and the complete opposite of me. You're basically all I have, and I don't wanna lose you. You have looked after me so many times, but I'm the one who worries the most. You're a sparrow, released from its cage. But I'm a parrot, forced to be bound inside the wire walls. I can't help but worry about you, because I know you throw yourself into things without thinking."

"I never knew you were the bigger sibling, Ky," I sigh, not knowing what else to say. I really must be oblivious.

"Even when we were thinking about jobs!" Ky adds, completely disregarding my comment. "As freshmen, when they gave us the job option pamphlet so we could start looking. As soon as you saw 'military' and the little description under it that said 'terminates yukos', you immediately threw every other option in the trash! It was one of the most dangerous ones, and it is dangerous! You got shot!"

"Wait," I interrupt him. "You didn't want to be in the military?"

Ky sighs, and runs a hand through his hair. "No. I never wanted to be in the military."

I stare at him in shock. "W-why?"

"We already lost Mom, and even if we don't remember her, dad does." Ky refuses to meet my demanding gaze, trying to hide the tears threatening to spill over. "And it would kill him to lose another one of us."

"Then why did you even join?" I manage to say, almost stuttering the words out.

"To watch over you, Kirbena," Ky murmurs. "I just didn't understand it. We never even knew Mom."

"Because of the yukos!" I cry.

"How can you know?"

My eyes widen, and I think I hear him wrong. "What?"

"We were babies when it happened. We wouldn't know."

"Ky!" I yell, not believing that those words are even coming from his mouth. "Dad told us what happened!"

"What if he didn't know either?! What if he was just told?!"

"What are you trying to say?" I mutter, trying to mask the tears that had come to my eyes now.

"I don't know if the yukos are the bad guys here," Ky replies quietly.

I stare at the floor. What is he saying? When did he start thinking this way? Does he really feel this way or is he just acting out again?

"Bena?"

"Yeah?" I whisper.

"I'm sorry for how I've been acting. Now that I'm in the military, I'm glad that I'm actually here. It's opened up my eyes, and I think you'll wake up soon too. I don't blame you, it's not easy right now. Just please know that I'm always going to protect you."

"What are you saying right now?" I cry, my voice raising. "Ky, I'm so confused!"

Ky smiles gently. "Just think about it, Kirbena."

"No!" I yell. "You think about it! Do you honestly think Grey shot me? It was not Grey! I remember exactly how I ended up in this bed, and it was because of a yukos. A yukos, Ky! He held the gun in his hand after we helped him and pulled the trigger!"

Ky blinks a few times, trying to take in every word I am saying. "Yukos? The only yukos in here is Demi."

"You're wrong!" I scream. "Grey and I helped a boy who was sick! He was a yukos, but we helped him anyway! He turned out to be a spy, and he sent information back to his kind! After I started to trust him; after I started to think everything we've ever been taught was wrong, he shot me! He betrayed us!" It was beyond stopping the tears now. How vulnerable had I become in the past few months? It seems like I was stronger before the military.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" Ky murmurs. I look up at him, my eyes searching his furious expression.

"I didn't want to."

Ky's look hardens even more, his hazel eyes clouding. "You shared everything with me."

"Well, you didn't share everything with me. I think it's justified."

"Dang it, Kirbena!" Ky yells. "Everything I've done is to watch out for you!"

"We're all just going to die eventually, anyway!" I yell back. "So stop trying to protect me, because you've done a horrible job so far!"

Silence meets our ears, but Ky makes no effort to move. He shields his face with his hands, his hair flopping over his face in a mess. I stare at him, the weight of my words finally setting in.

"I'm sorry," Ky breathes, his voice fragile. "I wish we would stop fighting. I'm so sorry."

I frown a bit, worry finally taking over my anger. There was more to this than my brother was letting on. I lean forward and kiss his forehead.

"Dear Ky," I whisper. "Me too."