The Fence

Chapter 90: Goodbye

"Sorry," she says again, her big brown eyes resting on the trees in front of us.

She keeps saying it; one word and five letters. Sorry, feeling remorse and distress about something that's happened. I keep saying it's fine; that what happened in the past is over now. She promised she wasn't going to do anything, so I forgive her. But she keeps saying sorry.

"It's okay," I repeat, maybe for the fifth time now. We've been on horseback for about an hour now, but the time only seems to drag on. All I can seem to think about is that I have no idea where we're supposed to be going, and I could be leaving my squad forever. And Val's constant sorry's only make matters worse, putting me more on edge.

She doesn't say anything else, just keeps her gaze fixed ahead of us. I shoot a quick glance her way, trying to read the expression on her face. She's a blank canvas, far from the vibrant painting she used to be when she was my best friend.

"Val, what's wrong?" I ask, unable to ignore how distant she feels from me. She doesn't even blink, simply turns her eyes to me.

I've never seen eyes that dull.

Lifeless.

Like she's got one foot in the grave.

She grins, her lips spreading to make a fabricated smile. "Nothing."

It takes everything in me not to gawk at her. It takes every fiber of me not to comment on how her 'smile' didn't reach her dead expression. I almost shudder at the cover of glaze keeping her usually bright eyes at bay.

Watch out for Val.

She's just in pain. She's just sorry.

"I say we head up the mountainside," Grey comments, interrupting the uncomfortable silence. "Maybe my tribe can help."

Val rips her eyes away from mine, returning it to the scape before us. I continue to gape at her, my mouth hanging open despite my efforts to keep a straight face.

She really isn't Val anymore.

"Did you hear me, Kir?" Grey inquires when I don't reply. I turn my head to look at him, blinking out of my daze.

"Y-yeah. Do you think they would have a guess of where Royul, if it exists, is?"

"Maybe, maybe not. I haven't spoken with them in over 2 years now. Despite their efforts to stay off the radar, they know the history of Krimia and Royul. Which means they could know something that might help us."

"Good plan," Val murmurs, her voice just as monotone as her features. "Let's go." She digs her heel into her horse's side, trotting ahead of us without another word.

Give her time to talk again.

"It's not too late to go back," I murmur, and Grey turns his gaze to me. "We can always turn back around."

"You know we can't," he replies, although his eyes agree with me.

"I want to," I whisper, my voice nearly cracking in my throat. "I want to so bad, Grey."

"I know, but we can't."

"Why?" I ask, even if just for the reminder. "I can't lose anyone else. I can't give up another part of myself. If someone else dies, I'll lose even more of me."

"Even if we go back, they're still gone," he utters, his voice soft. "Demi won't give up, and Ky won't leave her. Luci and Neveah have each other. Pine and Jeremy won't abandon your families. We can't give up either, not before we've even looked."

"Yeah," I whisper, closing my eyes.

We drive our horses to catch up to Val, matching her pace. When we reach her, she slows down, as if it would be useless to get ahead of us again.