The Fence

Chapter 69: See Me

I'm not sure where I'm heading. I hardly pay attention to my surroundings. I don't talk to Sutikka; my mind is clear. I'm simply walking where this feeling is taking me.

One foot in front of the other. Keep moving.

For the first time in a while, I'm not angry. My mind is not plagued with the visions of that gun, nor do I fear my brother's fiery pain anymore. I'm finally at ease.

That is, until I remember Demi's plan.

Why do I trust her? Why am I suddenly okay with being around her? Don't I usually try to push her as far away as possible? How could I know for sure if she is truly working with us, not against us? Grey would say that there's no way of knowing. All we can do is hope.

But do I have enough hope? Sure, I'm no longer seething with rage. I no longer want to pretend to be strong. I no longer hate the yukos.

When did that happen? When did I stop hating them? I hated Nixon when he came, but I didn't kill him. Why didn't I kill him? What stopped me? If I truly wanted to end his life, I would have. I wouldn't have let Grey change my mind. Nixon's act fooled me, like it fooled everyone else. I grew to care for him.

I was stubborn; I didn't want to be nice to a yukos. The idea of despising them was branded into my head. Once I got to know him, how could I hate him? The sweet boy he was, the boy who taught me all sorts of things? No. I didn't and I couldn't hate him because he was a yukos. I actually loved that he was a yukos. He got to tell me about all sorts of things that I never would have known. I would never have admitted it, but I did care about him. I hated him after he shot me, after he almost killed me. If a human had done the same, I would have hated them too.

So did I truly hate yukos all this time, or did I hate the deeds they committed?

I think back to my conversation with Grey.

"Why haven't you asked me any questions?"

"Questions?" I stare at the laces on my combat boots.

"About what Ayumi said."

"Oh," I murmur. "People can look like other people and not be related."

"You think Gryphon looks like me?"

"Same hair, same eyes...You also have similar skin tones. He's like a miniature of you."

"I-" Grey cuts himself off. "I didn't get a good look at him before Ayumi took off."

"Oh," I repeat.

"What about when Gryphon knew my name? Or when she asked me what his name was? How about when she asked me if I was a liar? When she said that her partner wasn't who he claims to be?"

"Grey-"

"What about when she held him to a wall and forced my name out of him? How would he know my name? Why did you defend me so quickly when Ayumi told you to kill us? Why didn't you listen? Why did you throw the idea away?"

"Should I not have?" I say, before another question escapes his lips.

I can still remember the panic shooting down my spine when I asked the question. I remember the fear in his gray eyes. I remember the anger erupting from my throat when I screamed 'Answer me!'

"Why were you so quick to throw the idea away?" he asks me again.

"Show me your diamonds, then! I won't believe that you are one until I see your diamonds!"

"Fine!" He pulls me up to his eye level. "You want to see my diamonds? Look into my eyes, and tell me where they are!"

My eyes search his frantically. I lean forward, trying to find something, anything. That glint I had seen in his eyes, the one I thought made him a true soldier, turned out to be the glint of a diamond in a so called monster's eye.