The Fence

Chapter 48: Weak

It was hard to keep my eyes off of Kirbena's sleeping form. She was right next to me, which was understandable considering how small the cave was. The sound of her breath echoed off the cave's walls. I hadn't slept any the entire night, still worried about the explosion.

It wasn't until it had stopped raining and the sun had risen that I woke Kirbena up. I'm sure she was extremely tired, but I wanted to get back to the squad as soon as possible. She blinks her hazel eyes and they meet my gray ones. I gaze at her for a minute, my cheek resting on my hand. I sit up abruptly, watching her eyes twinkle with confusion. I outstretch my arms, trying to get some energy.

Kirbena sits up too, not uttering a word. Her hair was so long now. I hadn't noticed how long it was, since it was always in braids. Now it was down, the mass of brown hair full of natural curls. It was hard to believe how much she had changed in the few months I've been with her. She takes her hands and ties the oversized t-shirt into a knot, making it fit her better. There wasn't much she could do with the sweat pants-they were all she had. She pulls on the boots she was wearing. I smile unconsciously when I see they were her normal combat boots.

"You gonna get up or...?" Kirbena mumbles. I look up at her, meeting her bright eyes. I sigh, pulling myself to my feet.

"Yeah, sorry," I reply. She picks up Sutikka and brushes the dust off of him. She swings him over her shoulder and looks back at me.

"I'll be right outside," she sighs. I nod, watching her leave the quiet cave.

I run a hand through my black hair, trying to gather my thoughts. Everyone was so confused, and I would have to explain it to them. People would eventually find out what happened to Kirbena, and how she trusted a yukos. What's worse is how I made her trust him. They would find out that Demi had something to do with this explosion. And I would have to find out who helped her.

I pull on the light windbreaker I had in my bag, but other than that I don't do anything. It was chilly from the rain, and light fog covered the landscape. I find Kirbena outside, waiting for me. She was tapping her foot and gazing off into the distance. I frown, knowing something was up.

We begin walking in search of our squad. She still hadn't uttered a single word in the 20 minutes we've been walking, and I start to get a bit nervous. Usually I was the one who didn't talk. I didn't want to bother her, but something was definitely wrong.

She seems to notice that I was wondering what was wrong, because she frowns a bit as I follow her through the woods. Her grip on Sutikka tightens, and now I'm really nervous. Was she mad at me? She didn't seem like it when I woke her up. It was like her mood suddenly changed.

"I know you want to ask something," Kirbena whispers. "So ask."

I hesitate, wondering if it was a trick question. "Are you okay?"

Her gaze hardens, and I knew almost as soon as I said it that it was the wrong thing to say.

"No, I am not okay," she snaps forcefully. "Oh my God! Why does everyone keep asking me that? Of course I'm not okay! No one should be okay after that!"

I bite my lip to keep me from saying anything else.

"I tried so hard to keep it together," Kirbena growls. "But I couldn't! I need to accept the fact that these panic attacks are a part of me. It's like LCSD, anything can trigger them. It wasn't the thought of a gun yesterday, it was the thought of you being dead! I can't control them anymore, Grey. What am I supposed to do if I freak out in the middle of a battle?"

"PTSD is not something you can control," I say softly. "It's...actually very impressive that you can even hold a weapon or be in the military. It shows that you're stro-"