YOU•JJK

<14> I lost you

"I can never be the one for YOU"

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2 years ago

I couldn't control my smile, as I looked at the text he last sent me. "Sleep Well", it said.

Jungkook was weird, a bit too hyper, and sometimes a shy slow person. Within a month, he has become quite close to me and Tori, and truthfully, I never thought I would end up liking him, thinking how he suddenly popped to have lunch with us on the first day.

I hoped against hoped that I wasn't picking up the wrong hints, that he wanted to be friends, that's all. But before I knew, I started liking him, too much.

Maybe I should've waited. I've only known him for a month, how do I already trust him so much?  What if he never thought of me more than a friend, because clearly, he's more close to Tori, than to me.

I don't know how to start conversations, it is quite tough to continue the conversation too, especially when it isn't about my matter of interest. We talked less, but neverthless, I liked his smile, his voice, even the way he interacted with Tori.

I cursed myself numerous times because of it, tried searching the internet on how to start conversations too, but it was of no use. His hobbies? His dislikes? His favourite food? Tori already asked them. 

Stuffing my face into my pillow, I tightly close my eyes, lips fumbling. I should tell him, right?

That's the right thing, if I tell him, maybe I'll get hold of my emotions, and maybe....just maybe, he might like me too?

As soon as his face pops up in my brain, my cheeks flush red, as I squirm in bed, my heart thundering in my chest.

I felt giddy, my first crush. And I was already acting like I've confessed.

I look at the time, 8 p.m. Why did he wish me good night so soon? Do I always go in the dorms so early?

Sighing, I sit upright. I might catch him now, I knew his room number, though I haven't been there before. If I don't tell him now, I won't ever be able to tell him about my feelings. If he liked me back or not, I'll be happy that I confessed, atleast.

Tying up my hair in a bun, I leave the room, as I blow on the palms of my hands.

The chilly November weather was overwhelming, I should've brought a cardigan, but I didn't go back to the room to fetch it. I was too excited, because I knew if I went back, I'll chicken out.

My feet tapped against the floor boards, as I walked towards Jungkook's room. Most of the  students were out or sleeping now, the Uni held early morning sessions which a lot attended. So, the hallway was empty, which helped me. I didn't want anyone to eavesdrop on our conversation.

In middle of the way, I hear murmuring, close to the alleyway to Tori's room, when I had the bright idea to tell Tori about it too. Maybe she'll be able to help me, or help boost my confidence.

Smiling to myself, I rapidly walk in that direction, feeling the murmurs getting louder. Maybe it's one of the other students. I just hoped that she hadn't fallen asleep.

Before turning the corner, I stop short as I try to see who was talking.

"Really? You came to give this so late?" Tori rubs her eyes, stifling a yawn, as she stared at the person before her.

"Uh....yeah, and not only that - maybe," Hearing the oh-so-familiar voice, my heart drops, as I identify the black haired boy.

Jungkook. What is he doing here?

"What is it?" Tori squints her eyes at him, ducking a little in shyness when confronted with his stare.

"Uh, I don't know what you might think of me after this, but know this, I don't mind whatever you answer, I'm just happy I'm getting this off my chest," He explains, nervousness clear as day.

I try to get a better view of them, he wanted to get things off his chest? Was he given extra assignments? Did he do something wrong?

"I like you, Kim Tori."

And I felt the world collapse around me. My lips parted in shock, my legs bucking due to the sudden wave of emotions that hit me.

But the scariest part of all, was the feeling I felt after I heard the words escape his mouth. I didn't feel anything. I felt like I've been stranded in a desert, with the hot wind blowing all around me, like a red stop sign towards the destination I was going.

I stand back, my back against the wall, my gaze not on them anymore. Sliding down to the floor, I clutch my mouth to not let out any sound. The worst possible scenario now would be them catching me eavesdropping. Hypocrisy huh, I scoff, I didn't want anyone to eavesdrop when I confessed. And look what I was doing.

But I didn't have the energy to stand up again, my eyes turning glossy second by second, as I stare at the wall in front of me.

"W-What?" Tori stuttered, her voice saying that she didn't expect this.

"I don't mind if you don't feel the same, I just wanted to tell this -"

"I like you too."

As the tear rolled down my cheek, I could hear him gasp, and I immediately stood up, walking back to my own room.

What did I expect? That it'll be smooth, and without any problems?

Come back to reality, Jinah, you saw them laugh and talk with each other, you saw them happy, you knew it wasn't about you, then why are you crying? Why did you get your hopes up? Why did you like him when you knew you weren't the one?

I could never be the one for him. For You.

And I still had my hopes up.

I expected to sleep peacefully, but neither did I confess nor was I directly rejected. Scoffing to myself, I closed my eyes, the tears trailing down the side of my nose, before soaking the pillow.

A/N: Obsesses with Nevertheless ❤