Make me remember (to forget)

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Logan

"Em, wait-" I start before she slams the door in my face. I pinch my eyes closed as the realization that I've just fucked things up royally hits me.

God, what was I even thinking? I mean, she's drunk, for God's sake! I'm an asshole, yes, but I still have limits. Never hit on a drunk girl. That's like "How to be a decent human 101".

But fuck, she looked so hot with her short shorts and long legs and chocolate brown curls touching her back. It drives me crazy that she thinks she can fuck up my car and fix it without me knowing. It drives me crazy the way she was looking at me - the things I'd do to her, goddamn it.

It took every ounce of self-control not to take her against the door, not to pull her hair tightly as I devour her neck. Maybe it had to do with her being breathless. Maybe it had to do with her neck turning slightly red because of the tension. Or maybe it's the way she smelled. I don't fucking know, man. I just want to screw her brains out.

But obviously, knowing Em, I'll probably get the silence treatment for the next year or so. Fuck my life. I sigh, pressing my head against the door before my fucking phone rings again.

God fucking damn it, Mar.

"What? What the fuck do you want? Why do you keep calling me?" I snap, getting the sudden urge to slam my fist against the wall.

It's just too much. Everything is too much: moving here, being torn between missing NYC and liking it here and then hating here, feeling lonely but then realizing that I was lonelier in NYC. My life has literally turned upside down because Mar freaking decided that it was rude of my mom to show up at my place unannounced.

And I've been trying not to resent her for it. I've been trying not to let all the doubts that I previously had come back in. But it's been harder to quiet them. Especially when she's not here to distract me with all the reasons why I chose - why I love her (like sex).

But fuck, she's been calling non-fucking-stop. Texting me non-stop. I need my fucking space.

"You're such a fucking asshole! I'm your girlfriend, in case you forgot. That's what normal couples do. They call each other. They talk."

I shake my head, wondering if I even want to go there. We both know how this is going to end up. I'm going to apologize and tell her that she's right because she's incapable of realizing the meaning of space. Because she's the most beautiful girl on this planet but also the most insecure person I know. And she needs someone to reassure her constantly. To call her every day and tell her she's beautiful and I'm not this someone. I can't. I need space. I need time-off.

So I take a deep breath so that I can control my voice. "Mar, I'm busy."

"You're literally in the middle of nowhere! How busy can you be?"

I shake my head. "I told you, I'm working. I have a freaking life-"

"Oh, and I don't? At least I have a real job!"

That's a low-blow. "I'm trying to have a conversation with you Mar. I'm trying to communicate-"

"How can we have a conversation when you won't even pick up the phone? When you're mad at me for calling you?!"

"Well, I did pick up and I'm trying to have that conversation now but you won't even hear me out," I point out.

"I can't believe you. Go fuck yourself," She says before hanging up. Ugh, typical Mar. She'll hang up. Block me. Unblock me in a few days. Call me back to tell me that I'm an asshole. I'll apologize and tell her that she's right just because I can't take her drama. We'll get back together, break up the week after.

At least I get a Mar-break for a week. I walk back outside, hoping to catch Emily and apologize for being a dick. My fucking dick twitches when I spot her curly hair, which makes me want to bang my fist in frustration. God, I've never been so horny before. Not even when I started seeing Mar. I need to get my shit together.

So I take a deep breath and walk over to her, rehearsing mentally what I'm going to say. First, I'll acknowledge that I'm an asshole. Second, I'll blame it on the alcohol although we both know that I wasn't drunk. Third, she'll probably throw her drink at me.

Before I get there, fucking Richard is heading there with two drinks in his hands. Annoyance grows in me when he places his hand on her shoulder and wraps a strand of her hair around his finger.

My stomach drops when she smiles at something he whispered in her ear. I don't even know if she's faking it which makes it worse. When I get there, I tap on his shoulder so that he moves. He turns to look at me, annoyed. "What?" He snaps.

"I need to talk to Em."

She rolls her eyes and crosses her hands on her chest. For a split second, it seems unreal that just ten minutes ago, every inch of her was pressed against me. Because now she's back to being an ice queen. "We have nothing to talk about. Can you go bother someone else?"

I look into her eyes and the emptiness inside scares me. There's nothing in there. No passion. No remorse. No regret. She has completely shut down. But a part of me refuses to let her. A stupid part of me believes that this is just a facade that she throws to protect herself. I'm going to trust that stupid part.

"I'm sorry, Emily."

She lets out a sarcastic laugh. "Right. Can you leave now?"

Fuck, now is the perfect time to leave. But again, that stupid part of me won't let me let go. "I had no right to take advantage of you. And I feel like shit about it."

And then for a split second, something flashes through her eyes. A tiny spark of recognition, an emotion, something. It's enough to make me smile because I know that the stupid part of me was right.

Still, I walk away just in case she decides to throw her drink at me. I can't shake the grin from my face. Or so I thought until I walk to the front door and find a very, very pissed-off Adam. Uh oh. 

a/n

short quick chapter, i know! will try to get something done by thurs too :D