Make me remember (to forget)

Chapter 52

Logan

"In another life, you would have been a great mechanic, my friend," Adam says as I fix his car's tire. 

"Yeah, but I'm not homophobic and that seems to be a requirement to become a car mechanic, no?"

Adam laughs. "Unfortunately. Anyway, thanks for doing this. I'll be in the garage, if you need anything. I really need to clean up some of the boxes in there and if I don't do it now, I'm pretty sure that I never will."

The truth is that this was a good distraction from my earlier conversation with Em. I don't want to think about how I poured my heart out to her, told her that I fucking loved her, and it still wasn't good enough. I still wasn't good enough.

After storming out of the office and coming back home, Adam was struggling to fix his tire so he asked me to do it. And I'm quite grateful for him. I sure as hell don't feel like being alone right now because I know where my mind will ponder. 

I try not to think of the burning hole in my stomach. I try not to replay her words in my head. I try not to get sucked into the storm of self-hatred spiraling inside me. And right now, this fucking car tire is the only thing keeping me sane. 

I'm almost done when I hear the sound of another car arriving. I look up and my heartbeat accelerates when I spot her. 

What the hell is she doing here? She's not supposed to be off work until six-ish. 

I gulp when I notice her tear-stained eyes. "Em?" I breathe out, immediately walking towards her. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

She immediately wraps her arms around me, and I find myself engulfing her towards my chest. God, how I missed her - how I miss this, us. 

I feel the wetness of her tears against my shirt, and it's like my gut is being punched repeatedly. Is she crying because of me? Because of our earlier fight? Fuck my life, I am such a fucking asshole. 

"It's okay," I try to soothe her. "It's going to be okay, I promise."

But she only cries harder. God, I've never seen her this way. She breaks in my arms and the only thing I can do is to pull her closer to me. The guilt in my chest torments me. 

I can't help but think back of Mar - how I used to make her cry all the time. And now, it's the same thing all over again but with Emily. 

"It's not, Logan. It's not. Everything is ruined," Her voice breaks at the end and it ruins me in the process. 

My fingers find themselves caressing her cheeks, pulling her chin up to meet my eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes are glossy, leaving her completely bare. "Whatever it is that happened, we can work it out. Talk to me, Em."

She starts to shake her head again and I stop her. "Is it because I slept with Mar?" I force myself to ask. 

"God, no, I don't even know where to begin-"

"Em, whatever it is that I did, I'll make it better, I promise, I'll be better. Please stop crying, I can't see you like this, goddamn it!"

"You can't make it better, Logan. No one can."

I press my forehead against hers. "Then, we'll try, baby. We'll have to keep trying."

She gulps, "I just don't want to lose you," She whispers to my chest. 

My heart squeezes in my chest as I pull her closer. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise me."

"I promise you, Em."