Make me remember (to forget)

Chapter 19

Emily

It's the last Friday of June. Do you know what that means? No, it's not Frisky Friday. It's Josh's Team-Building night of the month. 

What does that even mean? I know, I know. It's as bad as it sounds. He basically forces us to sacrifice our Friday night to sit together and bond. Cringe, right? 

I mean, sure, watching Melanie get super drunk and confess her undying love to Josh while Adam is silently sending daggers into her back might be entertaining. But with Logan here, it's completely different.

It's his first Frisky-Friday-a-la-Libanaise, so everyone's giving him extra attention. Sabine literally sang him a song. Melanie is using fake pink hair extensions to braid his hair. It's bad. The situation is bad and I'm annoyed. 

I'm annoyed for so many reasons, Logan being the first and main one, of course. After our conversation last week in my office, he's been avoiding me too. Which is fair, if you think about it. I started this entire thing. So I shouldn't be annoyed or hurt, or any of these weird mushy feelings that I'm going through. 

But Goddamn it, it's easier said than done. I can't stop the freaking tightness in my stomach every time I see him. I hate to admit it, but I kind of miss him. No one makes me laugh as he does. 

And he's been hanging out with Sabine and Melanie all the time and I see the way they're having so much fun. Like, water-fights-in-the-office-fun. Am I jealous? Absolutely freaking not. 

Okay, maybe a little bit. I know, I know that I have literally no freaking right because I'm the one who pushed him away in the first place. But this is what I do: I push people away first so that it doesn't hurt when they do. Because they will. Because everyone leaves. It's just a matter of when. 

"Oh my God. I can literally hear your mind racing with thoughts," Adam's voice shakes me out of my mind. 

I give him a small smile. "At least Melanie's affection is channeled into Logan this year, so you don't have to deal with the Mel-Josh-motion-sickness."

He smirks before eyeing Josh. My heart squeezes in my chest. I want someone who looks at me like Adam looks at Josh when Josh is not looking. I want this kind of love, Goddamn it. It's so pure, so true. It's beautiful. 

He smiles back at me. "You doing okay?"

I nod.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on between you two?" He points out towards Logan. 

I shrug.

"Em, you two haven't said a word to each other in two weeks. I'm not an idiot."

I let out a long exhale. "Nothing. There's nothing going on."

"You know, Em, just because people are temporary doesn't mean we can't enjoy them. Remember, everything is temporary."

"That's not what I'm doing," I almost immediately say.

He raises an unimpressed eyebrow. "Really? That's not your way of pushing him away because he's leaving anyway and you don't want to get attached?"

Yes. That's exactly it. "No. Absolutely not. We just have nothing in common."

He suppresses a smile. "Okay, whatever you say. Anyway, I'm going to get some of the vinyl records from the basement."

Oh my God, I'll literally do anything to get out of here. "I'll do it," I volunteer before running back inside. I can't stand to look at Melanie and Logan anymore. It makes my stomach sick.