Make me remember (to forget)

Chapter 23

Emily

After Logan's confession, I feel like he's already miles and miles away even though he's sitting right next to me.

Why? I'm not sure. Maybe because I thought that I figured him out for a split second, that he's the kind of guy who adores life and wears his heart on his sleeve; that he's kind, and honest, and funny, and - it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter because he's not. That guy wouldn't treat his girlfriend the way Logan does. And it hurts - not because he's in love with her, but because he's not who I wanted him to be.

So I do what I do best: I withdraw. I get lost in my thoughts and feel my energy slowly subside until I'm way too drained to function. The deeper I fall, the louder the demons get. The demons and fears that I've tried so hard to silence are always the same anchor I go back to.

And they whisper all kinds of things to me. They remind me that the people I love are always bound to leave me: My parents, Adam, Elsie. They tell me that I'm impossible to love back, that I'll always be alone, and that the world is ugly. The world is so damn ugly. All my worst memories are revoked, swirling in circles in my mind, and I can't make it stop.

I'm stuck in my mind with them and all I can do is watch as my own heart breaks over and over again. I feel Logan's hand on my shoulder, nudging me. He's probably calling my name too. But in these moments, my thoughts are so palpable that it's hard to come back. But his green eyes pull me back.

"I'll call Adam and ask him for a ride," I barely make out. I don't look at his reaction. I pull out my phone and text Adam. Drunk @ MM. Come get us?

He'll probably flip shit when he reads this. I don't really care.

The waiter comes back, and tries to make conversation. Logan is being an asshole and flat out ignores him. I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Instead, I plaster a fake smile and just answer his questions about the mountains kindly. It takes him ten more minutes to figure out who I am. I'm actually surprised that he did. Not many people care about mountain climbers here.

Finally, Adam comes to the rescue after about fifteen more minutes. He's fuming. Logan notices too, so he refrains from saying anything stupid for once in his life.

When we get to my car, I give Adam my keys and sit in the front seat while Logan takes the backseat. I lean my head against the window, focusing on the city as Adam's scolding fades away into background noise. My eyes slowly flutter before shutting down, and before I know it, I'm already asleep.

After we reach home, I go straight to my room. I barely get to shower and change into comfy PJs before the door knocks.

"Go away," I answer back. Of course, Adam takes that as a "Come in". He shuts the door behind him and sits on the edge of my bed. I bury my head in my pillow.

"Are we going to talk about what happened today?" He asks.

I don't say anything back, so he scoots closer. "Logan told me that you saw Elsie."

My eyebrows shoot up. "He did what?!"

"I forced the words out of him."

"He's such an asshole. I hate him." I bury my head back.

"I grounded him for two weeks."

"He's supposed to leave in a week. You promised."

"I know. I'm sorry. Talking to Jade is like talking to  bricks. What happened with Elsie?"

I let out a long exhale. "Nothing."

For a split second, I'm back at the park and she's holding my hand and asking me to play with her again. Except this time, I lead the way to the playground. We play at the dollhouse a princess game, where she pretends that she's Snow White and I'm one of the dwarfs. Snow white has always been her favorite Disney movie.