Make me remember (to forget)

Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Logan

"Oh my God, you have lost so much weight! What, haven't they been feeding you around here?" Mom says before glaring at Adam. Then, she hugs me tightly again. I try to hide my grimace.

Why did I tell her to go fuck herself again? Now I'm going to have to be stuck with her for the next couple of days. At least back in New York, there are things that usually keep her busy, such as her friends, work, and buying clothes. But here, in the middle of nowhere, there's just me.

"I missed you so much. You know that, right? Yes, I didn't call, but that's only because by the time I finish work, it's like three in the morning here. I'm so sorry, sweetie." Her hand caresses my cheek and I give her a soft smile.

I wasn't going to tell her that this is not just about calling or leaving a text. This is about not caring to know how I'm doing. This is about not thinking of me, when I do think of her and dad and Noah quite often. This is about so much more than phone calls.

But instead of going down that lane, I shrug. "I know, I'm sorry, mom. I only sent you that voice because I was drunk."

Again, the glare is targeted towards Adam. "What part of don't let him drink or do drugs didn't you exactly get?"

Adam, on the other hand, is trying very hard to restrain himself. "Gee, you're welcome that I'm letting him crash here and eat for free."

Mom rolls her eyes. "Nonsense. Don't listen to him," She tells me. "I'm just so proud of you. I know about your job, and that you're coaching young kids! That is incredible. See? That's exactly why I sent you here. You needed to get away from all the capitalist noise and spoiled brats in New York City to find yourself."

Mom, you just wanted to get rid of me. Stop sugarcoating it. That is what I really want to say. Instead, I purse my lips into a tight smile. There's no use of fighting with her now, not when she's going to be glued to my side for the next four days. In other words, there will be plenty of time for us to tear each other apart.

Although I must admit that a part of me is considering pissing her off so that she'll leave sooner. She grabs her suitcase and motions for me to follow her. "I'll be placing my stuff inside. Come with me, I want to show you what I got you."

I reluctantly walk behind her. I notice that she's walking towards Emily's room, which makes my heart tug in my chest.

Emily. Her soft chocolate brown eyes flash in my mind for a second, accompanied by an urge to puke my guts out. She avoided me all day at work. I know that I deserve it because what I said was such an asshole thing to say.

With that being said, I definitely don't appreciate being led on. I hate that she thinks that I'm some sort of feckless playboy who only cares about sex and drugs. Especially that I... That I opened up to her, goddamn it. I don't do this often. In fact, I've never told anyone the things that I've told her.

She saw the side of me that no one else has - the real me. And still, I wasn't good enough. So yeah, that stings. Maybe because she's the only person whose opinion matters to me. Or that her smile lights up the entire fucking room. Or that the thrill that I get from bickering with her and having her challenge me and literally not take my fucking shit is one that I have never felt before.

And if it was any other girl, I know that my genes and muscles would be more than enough for them. But with her, she doesn't give a shit about men who are attractive or whatever. I don't even know what she gives a shit about. All I know is that it's not me. She doesn't want me. And it fucking sucks.