Make me remember (to forget)

Chapter 29

Emily

His hands are in my hair, pulling me even closer as our tongues devour one another. And it is like nothing I've ever felt before - this, us; the heat, the agonizing urge to be one with someone, with him. 

And the thoughts running inside my head are unspeakable, I know, I know... But I can't seem to stop. I don't want to. Not when he breathes my neck. Not when his hands grasp my hips. Not when his curls slip between my fingers. And especially not when he's looking at me like that, emerald green eyes staring into my soul. 

Everything is too much. The intensity of my feelings. The power of his touch. The racing of my heart. It's too much and it's too fast but goddamn it, it feels so good, too good. 

"That was amazing. You're amazing."

He presses his forehead into mine. I close my eyes, knowing fully well that the next words that I need to say are going to ruin the mood. But I need to do it. "Logan," I breathe out before trying to pull away.

"Uh oh. Em, please don't. Don't push me away."

I gulp, torn between the need to lean into the palm of his hand and my conscience screaming at me that this is wrong. 

"Logan, you need to tell your girlfriend about this - us." 

His face expression changes and his hand drops mine. I reach out, trying to make him look at me. "I would want to know, if I was her, Logan. "

He sighs. "I know, but it's complicated."

"It shouldn't be. Tell her what you told me."

He shakes his head. "It's different with you..."

I bite my lip, my hand on his shoulder.

"I met Mar when I was fifteen. I was visiting Amy, my best friend, in Paris. She was her roommate. It was a tough time for me, and she was there, so careless and wild and beautiful." 

A sad smile makes its way to his lips as he stares mindlessly into the abyss of darkness below us. "She made me forget, Em. She made me forget everything. We'd get so freaking drunk, randomly find ourselves riding scooters under the Eiffel tower at 2 am, or skinny dipping in the seine river, which is illegal, by the way."

I let out a laugh, although my stomach is squeezing uncomfortably. I think that Logan notices because he looks at me for a split second before his hand reaches out for mine, interlocking our fingers together. 

"And it was fun for the first two years maybe. But we've been on and off for the past four years and I don't feel it anymore. I don't feel the fire, the spark or the excitement. And she's in a different country every week, living that glamorous life that I was never really able to afford anyway. My parents are the ones making money, not me."

He lets out a long exhale, looking at our intertwined hands. "I can't do it anymore, Em. I tried, but I just can't."

"Then tell her, Logan. She needs to know."

"I don't want to hurt her."

"You're hurting her more by lying, Logan. Trust me."

"The thing is that I'm the only person who knows her - the real her, you know? The person behind the magazine covers and extravagant parties. And I care for her very much. She was a big part of my life - still is. Just in a different way. I don't want to lose her."

"Then that's exactly what she needs to hear, Logan."

"I know... I'll talk to her, I promise."

His hand wraps around my shoulder, pressing me into his chest. For a split moment, it's just us two, under the moonlight, and the freezing air freezing our fingers but the heat between us makes the cold insignificant. 

"Hey, Em?"

"Hm?"

Five seconds die between us. I can hear his heart beating like a time bomb. He breathes out. "Nevermind. Let's go home."

Home. I like the sound of that. 

a/n

i know, very short chapter! i promise i will upload more chapters this week :D warning: a lot of angst coming next.