Make me remember (to forget)

Chapter 26

Logan

"What does that even mean?"

I close my eyes, leaning back against the bed. Memories of that night rush back: the blood, the police sirens, the people - God, there were so many people. But mostly, I remember her face.

I remember her, holding Amy, soaking in blood. I remember the gunshot, watching her fall, all of it - but how can I remember it if I wasn't there? How can I explain that to any rational human being?

"Logan?" Her soft voice pulls me back. 

I lean my head back towards her, feeling my eyes burn from the lack of sleep. Her deep brown eyes embrace me with a warmth that I haven't felt in a while. But then again, the only few times I've felt alive in the past couple of weeks were with her. With my hands in her hair, with her breath in my ear. On top of a mountain, stuck in the dirtiest basement I've been in. 

Everything goes back to her. And I can't lose her too, goddamn it. I can't tell her, I won't risk it. So, I shake my head, swallowing back all the secrets threatening to come out. "Nevermind. Ignore me. Sometimes my mind goes crazy."

Her lips curve upwards, but it's a sad smile. In moments like these- when I feel like the saddest person on earth, I look at her and it hits me that her sadness cannot be matched. 

"We're all a bit crazy sometimes. No?" She whispers before her eyes stop at my lips for a split second. 

I can't help but look at her parted lips too - soft, red, plump. God, never have I ever wanted to kiss someone so much. And I could do it - I could lean in and close the centimeters between us. I could take in her scent and hair and skin. But mostly, I would make her feel all sorts of things that will leave her begging for more. I'd worship her like a queen - like my queen. 

But she looks away. The spell is broken, I'm back in my room, and my mom is still freaking calling me. 

"You should take it," She mumbles before giving me the phone. 

I shake my head. "I don't have nice things to say right now."

"I'd give my life to tell my mother  to fuck off."

"Why don't you?" 

I know that I probably shouldn't push my luck by asking too many questions. I'm already surprised that she opened up earlier.

She shrugs. "It's not like she ever picks up."

Yep, sounds exactly like Jade. Except that Jade hasn't stopped calling cause she probably feels like shit. Good, she should. 

"You know what? I think we should tell our moms to fuck off."

Em raises an eyebrow at me. "I'm not drunk enough to do that."

"Oh, come on! What's the worst-case scenario? They end up feeling like shit? Big fucking deal."

My heart swells as her smile grows bigger. God, she's so fucking beautiful. Especially when she doesn't have a freaking clue. 

She covers her face with her hands for a millisecond before sighing. "Logan!"

"What? You know you want to."

She doesn't say anything, she just bites back a smile. I grab her phone and hand it to her. "Come on. Do it, do it, do it!"

She groans. "Jesus, Logan. You're such a kid sometimes."

"Do it, Em."

She thinks about it for a second before reluctantly grabbing the phone. "I can't believe I'm agreeing to this."

Me neither, I want to say. My admiration for her grows only deeper as she dials her mom's number. She rolls her eyes when it goes straight to voicemail. 

"Hi, mom." The word is bitter, shaky. "I ran into Elsie yesterday," She stops to take a deep breath. "I almost didn't recognize her, you know?" 

My heart breaks for her. I fucking hate her mother. How can someone do this to their child? And Em, out of all people... Without thinking about it twice, my hand covers hers and I force her eyes to meet mine, giving her a small nod. "You can do it," I mouth.

Her big brown eyes are glossy, staring deep into my soul before she covers her soul back. "Anyway, I was calling to tell you to-" She gulps. "To rot in fucking hell. Cheers."

My jaw drops. She hangs up and throws her phone over the bed. "Oh my God, I can't believe I did this, Logan. I did it. Holy shit -"

I can't stop myself from laughing. "Em - that was priceless. You don't even understand. You were a Goddess."

She covers her face. "I'm so going to regret this tomorrow morning. Actually, I'm going to delete the voicemail-"

"Em, no. Don't you dare delete it! I will personally destroy your phone forever to prevent you from deleting it."

"You're a horrible influence, Logan," She bites her lower lip. 

"Yeah, but you like it." 

Her eyes twinkle with amusement before pointing towards my phone. "Your turn."

Ah, I really don't feel like talking to my mom. Leaving voicemails is a hundred times easier. But still, I only do it for Em. Because she did call her mom for me and the least I can do is tell my mom to fuck off. Besides, I haven't fought with her in a while. I quickly dial her number. She picks up after the first ring. 

"Logan, I'm sorry I had so much w-"

"Here we go again. You what? You had so much work? Another crazy case that you had to handle? Some exclusive client that you absolutely can't lose? You what, exactly? Because I've heard all of your excuses before."

"Logan, I promise, this case was related to the senator's son-"

"Yeah, well, your son needed you. Anyway, you can go back to taking care of the senator's fucking son. I don't need you anymore," I breathe out, my eyes meeting Em's. "I have a real family here."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well you can shove your apologies where the sun doesn't shine. Don't bother calling me again. Cheers." I hang up, strangely still feeling like shit. 

I feel like shit because she's still my mom. Because no matter how fucking shitty she can be, I still want her to care. I still want her to want to call me, to want to talk to me - Em's hand pulls me back to real life. 

"Logan, Don't go back there."

I take a deep breath. She's right. I'm done being fucking miserable. It's been two days of mopping and being depressed. Honestly, I'm done. I care too much about everyone. I shouldn't. 

Besides, I do mean what I said to my mom: I truly feel like I have a real family here. Adam, Josh, Sabine, Melanie, the football team that I'm coaching - hell, Emily.  

These people may not be multimillionaires or actors or CEOs of stupid companies, but they're my people and I would choose them over New York City and the shitty life I had there. At least they're real. At least they love each other unconditionally. 

Speaking of whom, I think back of my team and the plans we've made to hang out after practice. Those plans never happened because my dumbass got grounded by Adam. However, he's not here right now and won't be coming back until tomorrow, so...

I quickly send a Whatsapp text to the football team. 

Yo, guys. Wanna meet at my place in an hour for PS4 and beer?

I press send and then smile at Em. "We're going to have so much fun."

"Uh oh. What did you do?"

"Nothing," I innocently shrug. "Let's go get some beer."