Make me remember (to forget)

Chapter 51

the chapter you've all been TRULY waiting for. (beware, lots of angst coming up)

Emily

"It's a bubble where my brother hasn't looked me in the eyes or spoken two words to me for the past three fucking years"

I close my eyes, trying to stop my mind from replaying my old conversations with Logan. But I can't, goddamn it. I can't.

"My brother's girlfriend killed herself three years ago. Or maybe she did."

My eyes widen. "Logan, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I'm scared that she didn't, Em."

What if she didn't? What if she's the one he was referring to the other day at the lake? I can't help but think back of one of my conversations with Jade too.

"It was terrible, Em. They accused Noah of doing it - can you even imagine? Thank God for Amelia, who was there too. She was his alibi."

"That guy is insane. First he was accusing Noah, now he's accusing Logan."

Oh my God. Celeste, Noah's ex-girlfriend died in a room whereby only Noah and Amy were present. No one else knows what actually happened. And then Logan said that Noah didn't speak to him for years after that accident. Not to mention the fact that he's always been worried that she didn't actually do it - 

I let out a long exhale. 

No. 

No, of course, it's not Logan. Whatever happened to her, Logan couldn't have done it. He couldn't even hurt a fly if he wanted to. There's something else. 

There is something else and I need to find out what it is before I go completely insane. I haven't slept. I haven't eaten. I haven't showered. My mind has spinning in circles ever since the lake accident. 

I try calling Amy for the sixth time. The dreadful ringing sound amplifies my anxiety. Come on, Amy, pick up. Please, pick up. If anyone knows what happened, it's you. 

I press my forehead against the wall and Logan's pained expression haunts me again. He told me that he was in love with me. For the first time. And of course, I couldn't say it back. 

Goddamn it, I literally broke him when I didn't say it back and I hate myself for it. 

"Hello?"

My heart stops beating for a second. "Amy?"

"Yeah. Who's this?"

I take a deep breath. "Amy, it's Emily. Logan's uh - friend, I guess."

"Emily, hi! How are you? Is everything okay? You sound upset."

I have no clue how she can sound this cheerful, especially if she knows about what I think actually happened to Celeste. "I need to talk to you. It's urgent. Like, life-or-death type of urgency."

"Oh. Is it about Logan?" 

"Yeah. He fell the other day and he was unconscious for a couple of minutes, but he's okay now."

"Oh, no! I hope that it wasn't like a serious injury or something?"

"No, no. The thing is that when he was unconscious, he said some stuff." 

I gulp, thinking back of him repeating Amy's name and apologizing over and over again, until he mentioned someone's death. 

"What did he say?" Amy's voice is suddenly more tense, strained, confirming what I already knew. She definitely knows something that we don't.